CI Activation Day! By Eleanor

So, after 13 weeks of waiting it was finally Activation day or 'the big switch on' as others have called it. Well, that was about a week ago but it's only now that I really feel that I can write about it. But I will go through the big day and everything that happened since.

 So, my appointment wasn't until the afternoon which was a bit annoying because it felt even longer to wait. But eventually it was time. My partner and my mum both wanted to come with me so we got in the car for the 2 hour drive and got there just in the nick of time.

 It was a bit surreal, sitting in the waiting room and trying to hear things with just the hearing aid in the non-implanted ear. It was hard not to think 'that's the last time that will sound like that..' when I really didn't know what to expect. Yes, I've seen the videos on YouTube of people crying at activation, babies smiling and even marriage proposals, which by the way, I now believe is THE MOST inappropriate time to propose. Finally getting switched on, to be utterly confused by the robotic beeping sounds that don't seem to match people's lips movement and you're giving a long speech about how much you love them and you wanted their first words that they hear to be 'please marry me'. No. Just no. Because I can guarantee, they can't hear you. It's a shock to the system. And people are just talking at you. All the time. And you just don't know why, but they just don't stop. The world is so noisy. So that's the negative bit out of the way.

 The first part of the appointment was setting the magnet strength so that the processor would stay on my head, before it was put on and hooked up to the computer. The Audiologist (very nice man by the way) asked me to let him know when I could hear beeping. It took me a long time to hear it, but it got easier but they all sounded the same. Beeping, again, and again and again. Eventually, he spoke. And things got weird. There was sound, but it wasn't matching his lip movement. I didn't know which to focus on, his lips or the sounds but the sounds were distorting, tinny, robotic. He asked me what it sounded like and I could only respond with 'weird'. Because it was weird, really weird. Eventually I said it sounds robotic, to which he told me is very normal and that others have said it sounds like Mickey Mouse. I zoned out, realising I've never really heard Mickey Mouse, but that's not what I'd imagine him to sound like. Although some parts of his speech were really loud and felt like a kick in the head, I wasn't hearing everything. I couldn't hear my mum or my partner sat further away, just random scatty tones. Is this it? I thought.

 Then we were sent back to the waiting room for the next appointment. I said to my mum and partner that I didn't know what Mickey Mouse sounded like. My mum laughed and said she didn't think I did. I asked my partner to put on a Mickey Mouse voice, "I talk like this" he said with a smirk. "Are you doing the voice yet?" I asked, he still sounded the same to me.

The next appointment was with the Speech and Language Therapist for 'equipment briefing'. She did tell me her name but I don't think I really heard it. She was nice. She gave me a huge box (for such a little processor) with bits and pieces i.e. batteries, drier, battery charger. I now needed to find two more plug sockets in the bedroom. She asked me how I cared for my Hearing Aids when I wore them.. awkward silence. I made a promise to myself that I would definitely look after the processor. I don't really remember much else about the meeting. Just lots of talking, so much talking. I didn't hear it all, I didn't understand it all and it was nice to have others there to fill in the gaps later.. much later. It got a bit too much. Speech just sounded like beeping and it was like being in a room full of robots all beeping at each other.

 Then it was time for long drive home. It was late when we got home and I was pretty tired so I went to bed soon after. The next day I had another appointment at the hospital so I got the train in the morning. I didn't really have all that much time to use the processor so I found it difficult to answer the Audiologist when he asked me if there were any sounds I was finding particularly loud. I felt like I should already be doing better, so when I saw the Hearing Rehabilitation lady afterwards she made me feel better by telling me this was day 1. Day 1 of hearing. She played listening game with a list of names I knew, saying them whilst I was turned away. It was a lot of guessing I'll admit, everything sounded the same. Banging, knocking, speech, man, woman it all sounded the same. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, they'd told me that throughout the assessments, but at the same time I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult.

 On the train home I began thinking of the babies who had been activated in the videos. I tried to think about how many of them had been smiling, if any had been crying. I remembered a few where the babies eyes would widen, curious at the new sounds they could hear. I imagined my response being similar, but also confusion. Yes, they can hear something, like I could hear something, but didn't make any sense, not even to me, a consistent Hearing Aid wearer from a young age. I realised in the moment, I would have to learn everything again, just like a baby. That is why it is so important that as Teachers of the Deaf, we take the time to teach that to families, to teachers and anyone else involved. A Cochlear Implant does not magically fix them. It takes time to learn, to develop. Day 1 of the activation, is day 1 of their hearing experience.

 As for me, well I'm on day 7 now and I am trying to keep my processor on as much as possible. I have had a stinking cold and cough which hasn't helped and initially made me so much more sensitive to the high pitched beeping and squeals. At times it's been overwhelming and I still don't understand speech. I'm getting there though, I'm better at discriminating between environmental sounds and speech, bar one or two mistakes.. you'd be amazed what sounds are similar to speech.

 It will get better. I do think it's about time you all stopped mucking about with your robot voices though.