Captioned Glasses @ National Theatre

On the 29th December I went to a captioned performance of Warhorse at the National Theatre.

 As many of you may know I love nothing more than heading to the theatre with captions (by stagetext) but my experience is often varied as I have to rely on theatres to advise me on the best seating for optimal view of both the captions and the stage. Sometimes this works really well and others, well it's just hard work, mainly because there usually are two screens placed either side of the stage but the height and how far inwards they face can vary at different theatres. This can really make or break the enjoyment of the show. The further up or outwards the screens, the more you have to move your head each time someone speaks, missing vital movement on the stage (or just pure talent and craft) particularly as your eyes readjust each time it moves back and forth.

Today was different however with the additional use of captioned glasses, a scheme rolled out by the National Theatre, London who currently have them available for screenings of Warhorse and Hadestown and hope to have them readily available for all shows next year. This is something that I'm unaware of happening elsewhere in the UK.

 When I arrived at the National Theatre I was bowled over by the support available. There was someone available to give me a full tutorial, they were available during the interval (personal service as they note your seating) and they were very open to feedback at the end. I've never seen such support widely given for deaf people, perhaps my only criticism would be whether any of them are able to sign for BSL users, that was something I did not ask.

 So, my opinion of the captioned glasses? Invariably, mixed. Let me summarise using a classic pros and cons list.

Cons

1. It is bulky. There is no getting around that. The glasses themselves have bulky sides to them, the lenses are thick and connected to a wire and a black box which is safely hung around your neck which can get slightly weighty after a while.

2. There is no 'safe' place for them. I held the glasses in my hand or put them on my head for safety during the interval. Going to the toilet whilst balancing an expensive pair of captioned glasses was definitely an experience.

3. It's not great for glasses wearers. Although they have adjustable sides theres no getting around the fact that they are leaning on top of your glasses which feels heavy after a while. A few people noted issues with their varifocal glasses etc around me (I'm such a nosey person).

4. The glasses make everything seem flattened and slightly darker, losing some of the joy found in the theatre with real life actors. I felt a little like I was watching TV after a while as the glasses gave a flattened 2D effect. 5. It was difficult to feel comfortable as the bulky sides made it difficult to be aware when people needed to get out of the aisle next to you resulting in a slight apprehension of when this would be and annoyance when someone did this unexpectedly. Me personally, I rely heavily on my peripheral vision to compensate for my hearing loss so it did give me a claustrophobic feeling after a while.

 Pros

 I imagine after reading the cons list you're thinking, is there any pros ?! Well, in a word, YES. For me, I was delighted in the fact that the writing was clear, readable, (mostly) in time with the show. I am so thankful that someone is coming up with an idea that in theory, could be a solution to a problem that has unnecessarily hindered and continues to hinder deaf people.

Would I wear them again? Yes I would, but only alongside the captioned screens on the side of the stage so that I can rest my face from the weight of both glasses (personal and captioned) during the show.

In conclusion, my opinion is that captioned glasses has so much potential but for me, it's not quite there yet. But now, having had the experience, having tried this technology, I have feelings of not only happiness but also enlightenment and a sense of achievement as I realise that other people care about equal access just as much as I do. Thank you.

 If you'd like more information about the captioned glasses at the National Theatre then have a look at this; https://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/your-visit/access/caption-glasses .

Dear My World by Eleanor

At the weekend I went to a talk about 'd/deaf writes back' featuring the inspirational Joyce, a deaf children's author and Raymond, a deaf poet. I was also lucky enough to chat with them afterwards in the delightful beer garden set up in Chapelfield Gardens as part of the Norfolk and Norwich Festival. 

 Joyce admitted herself that she did not know many deaf people and was inspired by the day. We all sat together in the tranquility of the beer garden, sharing stories and difficulties of being deaf. After a while Joyce said 'its just so nice to feel normal, I don't feel that very often'. 

 But what is normal? A while ago I was teaching deaf studies to a group of year 3-6s, we were gathered in our usual set up, the children in a horseshoe format with my interpreter behind them ready to plug in the gaps so I could then rephrase or repeat anything that needed it. The topic had gotten onto what does 'deaf' mean and one of the girls pointed at all of us and said 'we are deaf' and pointed to the interpreter behind her 'she is normal'. This made me sad. I instantly responded with "Normal? What's that? Nobody is normal. She is hearing yes, she can hear, her ears work which makes her different but we are all different. None of us are normal, that doesn't exist." I'd hoped by saying this she would start to break the barriers already taking place in her mind 'us' and 'them'. 

 Many deaf people refer to the world as a hearing world and a deaf world and many of them tell me they don't fit in either. As someone who has grown up in a hearing family, I too have gone through the motions. 'It's not fair, we are dominated by hearing' (but what do you expect when we are such a small minority) 'why do deaf people have to work twice as hard to learn speech just to fit in?' 'the deaf community rejected me because I can't sign very well'. Believe me, I have felt angry at the world, angry at the situations I find myself in everyday. But then, something happened, I'm not quite sure when or how, I don't think I even realised until I listened to Raymond speak, but I let go. I let go of the idea of a deaf world, a hearing world. I said goodbye to the anger, the resentment, the injustice inside me and I opened my eyes.

 I took a look at the world around me. I looked at the hearing world that deaf people are so desperate to fit into. I saw the groups of people, the ones with accents, the ones that speak slang, the ones that reject others if they don't fit in, if they don't talk the same way or look a certain way. I saw the groups of people that I had absolutely nothing in common with and I saw my frustration seep out of me, the pent up anger at not knowing what they're talking about, not being able to hear them and realising that I wouldn't be interested anyway. The years of straining to hear conversations and realising I'm not interested but not being able to leave because so much time and energy has already gone on. Desperate to feel wanted and being accepted was usually enough to keep me hanging. I'm not saying the deaf world is any better. There are groups of people in the deaf world who do the same, if you don't sign a certain way or be a certain person you can feel yourself on the outside looking in. 

That's when I saw it. The barriers disappeared, faded into the distance and I saw MY world. The world that I created. The friends that I have selected, some deaf, some hearing. The places I go when I feel alone. The happiness I feel when I'm with them. Some sign, some speak. I make the effort for those I'm interested in, and they do for me. My world isn't very big and it's probably very selective but it's mine. When I heard Raymond read his poem, I sensed so much turmoil, so much anger inside him that I used to feel also. Anger at feeling different, not feeling accepted in either worlds. It gives him fuel for his writing, his raw, painful writing that gave me goosebumps when I heard him speak. His fantastic writing that I hope people can read and learn from. Towards the end of the talk I felt myself taking a step back from the situation and feeling a sense of sadness. It has taken me 28 years to get to this place where worlds no longer exist for me, but for many of the children and adults I see they still exist in their minds. I believe there is a strong correlation between deafness and poor mental health. I never ever used to consider my deafness as a disability until my work as a teacher of the deaf but legally it is because it potentially hinders our ability to communicate. I say potentially because it is very much dependent on other people's perspectives. If others don't believe in us of course we won't do well but isn't that typical of anyone? Hearing or deaf, blind or learning difficulties? For any type of disability? I'm not just talking about verbal communication but any type of communication, whether it's through sign language, body language, gestures or even the powerful medium of writing. 

It's time to let go and make your own world. Be who you are, find the people that won't settle for anything less than you. Be inspirational, don't be angry, it's just wasted energy that only hurts you in the long run. You are amazing.

Thank you world.

The Cochlear Implant Journey 2017

It's officially the last day of 2017. What a year it has been.

On the 14th November 2016 I went for surgery for a Cochlear Implant. On the 16th February 2017 I was activated and became a Unilateral Cochlear Implant user. It was a really hard few months I have to be honest and it wasn't until 3 months later that speech actually made sense. Everyone has their own journey to take when undergoing Cochlear Implantation, for some it may be instant (this generally tends to be adults who had hearing beforehand), yet for others take months or even years.

One thing I found that really helped me when I was struggling was NOT to look at social media. NOT to google how long it takes to hear again because you will come across success stories that make you feel stupid. You must remember, everyone is individual, our brains are individual and we do not have remote controls to adjust our understanding of sound. That is what it comes down to at the end of the day, your own interpretation of the sound and how your brain makes sense of that. There is no right or wrong, there is only you, your Cochlear Implant and you.

 It takes a lot of work. It isn't easy. There aren't any shortcuts either (trust me, I looked). But I can tell you 100% that it is worth it.

 In August 2017 I became Bimodal, wearing a hearing aid in the left ear and a speech processor (the external part of the Cochlear Implant) on the right. This was another journey which also required more work. Some have told me it was easy, put it on and go, others have said they hate it and refuse to wear the hearing aid, finding they get by with just one speech processor. I let it all get to me. I wasn't clever enough or fast enough. But does it really matter how fast or slow you are? All that really matters that you reach your final destination. I have to say though, I don't believe there really is a final destination with Cochlear Implants. What exactly are you aiming for? To hear like a hearing person? Then you're looking in the wrong place.  However, if you're looking for a chance to access sound and speech then you're in the right zone.

On the 31st December, I am sat here reflecting on the year of my Cochlear Implant. I went for a run this morning and I ran past a gentleman who kept a steady pace throughout. It took me a few kilometers to realise he was keeping up with me. I wondered how I did not know this, surely I would be able to hear his footsteps or his breathing. I concentrated, listening hard and I could hear something. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was, whether it was his breathing, the paper number cards pinned to his t-shirt rustling in the wind or perhaps it was neither, perhaps it was a bird. The point is that 10 months later I'm still learning more everyday. I don't aspire to be a hearing person, that would be silly but I do aspire to hear things that enhance my life. I went to see the Phantom of the Opera a few weeks ago and I could hear the different parts of the music, I could pick out that someone was singing. The first few seconds of the play I could even tell what the actors were saying without having to read the captions because it was a familiar context and situation.

Predictably is half of listening (maybe more, maybe less, I'm not sure on the specific percentage) but this is still something I get caught up on. I hear, or at least I think I hear the main point, some other parts of the sentence, whack them all together, think of an appropriate response and hey presto I sounded really intelligent there. I've got it wrong. I still get it wrong. But hearing people do just the same. Listening all the time is hard work. Even hearing people get tired (shock horror) and I think sometimes deaf people forget that. I know I do. Perhaps that should be a new years resolution for me, to consider hearing people more.

I will end this blog with my top three reasons of why I do not aspire to be a hearing person and I'm sure some of you will agree with me on some of these points...

1. I get to sleep in complete silence. Those poor hearing people that are kept awake by every little noise or snoring...
2. There would be no funny misheard quotes. My brother asked me what I thought he would be best at: tiddly winks, farming or vegetable throwing. I of course immediately responded with vegetable throwing but it turns out he said vegetable growing..
3. Being hearing would mean I would not have met any of the amazing deaf people that I know. Your abilities continue to astound and amaze me everyday. You are all amazing.


Have a wonderful night tonight, enjoy the last day of 2017 and I hope 2018 brings you everything you want. If you are on the route to a Cochlear Implant then hang in there, it'll be worth it. I hope my journey has helped inspire you or at the very least reassured you that you are not alone.

As for me, I'm on the list for a hearing dog and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that my 2018 will be the year of the dog.