Compromising the Fantasy by Eleanor

 So, I really wanted to clarify something before I start this blog (I know, I've already started it, so what exactly am I on about?) that although I can complain and moan and scream the walls down about how difficult it is being deaf, that I'm actually proud to be who I am.
I know I've not really got much choice, but I am so lucky to be someone who is automatically accepted in both the hearing world and the deaf world because of the machines in my ears. It can be really isolating at times, but life is what you make of it, and I can most be selective with the information I chose to gain. Other bits of information take alot more attention and effort to get it, but if I really wanted it, I'd just say 'What was that again?' several times. Not that I do, because its only acceptable to say it three, four times at the maximum and then nod your head like you TOTALLY understand.

 I went to the cinema on Saturday to see Frozen with subtitles. I went with the local deaf club and I felt so proud to sit there and watch the film with such clarity. So many times I've been to the cinema and plonked a fake smile on my face because everyone else is laughing and I don't want to stand out. This time, I was the one laughing at the cheesy jokes and poor slap-stick (this is in no way implying that this is a rubbish film, quite the opposite, I REALLY enjoyed it... watch it!!).
 I felt truly refreshed having sat next to a young girl who was signing to me throughout the film. I don't think she was deaf, I think she had a relation that was deaf and had learnt BSL that way. But she recognised that I could sign to her, that I could understand her and she loved the opportunity to use that, and I did too.
This is the children I want to bring into the world from my classroom. When I become a teacher (not IF) I will teach the children that we all have different support methods, but inside, we are all the same. I want to show the children the beauty of British Sign Language, not only to communicate with me, with deaf people, but to communicate with each other - it is a language that they can learn, enjoy and spread beyond the classroom. BSL is so visual, so clear, when I see people signing to me, its like a picture forms in my head and everything becomes transparent. Words can get jumbled and hurried and lose all meaning but BSL lingers.

 It's been a rough few weeks. I completed BSL Level 3 part 1 with a view to continue onto getting my NVQ Level 3 but have been told that I need to work on my BSL structure more before I could comfortably achieve this. I automatically took this as an insult, that I can't sign therefore don't fit in the deaf world, I can't communicate orally as well as hearing people, so I don't fit in there.
 But whats my real hurry? Why do I need to achieve it so badly that I'm trying to stress myself out by studying for my PGCE and BSL at the same time? Why don't I just enjoy the ride? I've got a lifetime to obtain a piece of paper, what really matters is what I do with the time now, and that means meeting more deaf people, building my confidence up and becoming an even stronger person.

 This isn't me giving up, this is me sitting in the backroom plotting my explosive return.

 P.S Make the date in your diary - 17th December at Majestic Cinema, Kings Lynn, the Hobbit 2 is subtitled at 19.30pm... be there!! :)