Finding equal access in the strangest of places @ Christmas - by Eleanor

I love equal access, although sometimes when I do get it, I don't want it.

Strange as it may seem but often when I have my communicator in the classroom with me I want to do it all myself. I want to lipread, create a 1:1 situation where the other person feels comfortable, relaxed and not constantly apologizing or trying to find some sort of drama to involve the communicator. The communicator is there to do a job, impartial, unbiased and detached. The awkward moments when people feel they have to apologize to the communicator, I mean, what for? For making her do her job? Those few minutes that it takes to do this, means I'm standing there, concentrating on your lips, wasting my time that I could be cherishing with the children, watching their progress, seeing them grow, learn and develop. Talk to me, please. Would you apologise to me? No. So don't. Don't even think about it. Look at me, talk to me, I have feelings, I'm human and I'm desperate to succeed in life. So please, just help me on my way by treating me exactly how you'd treat others (but also be slightly deaf aware, face me, don't mumble and please don't stand in direct sunlight).

 I love Christmas, and I love spending time with the people that matter, because these are the people who treat me the same as everyone else and always have done. These are the people that I can rely on (sure they make the odd mistake but they are still human too!) and treasure. I went home for Christmas day and my brother was so excited to show me the signs for 'Happy Christmas'. We were in a pub (as you do) and although pubs are generally awful for trying to maintain oral conversations I have my own personal communicator in the form of my mum, who as a mum, always recognizes when you just don't understand. She repeats things, often. We finger spell the odd words. She shows an interest in new signs (even when they don't seem to stay in her mind very long). I didn't feel stupid, I didn't feel excluded and I most definitely didn't feel like an annoyance or a problem.

 In life I choose my friends, I choose who I surround myself with because some people, are just too hard to be surrounded by. It may seem like I'm a bit of a loner I suppose but I'm pleased to say that the friends I do have are the most important and also the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. Quite often they tell me that they 'forget' that I'm deaf, but its not the sort of 'forget' that means they switch between emphasizing the lips so much that its no longer comprehensible and mumbling to the point where you wonder if their future job should be a puppeteer. They just 'get it' and that is the most amazing quality in a friend you could ever find.

Present giving is always difficult at Christmas. I've never thought of offering tickets to a play or the theatre because generally it means that I'm expected to go too. I do love the theatre but for me they are a bit hit and miss.
 I recently went to see Cats at the Theatre Royal in Norwich which was subtitled with STAGETEXT. Although I really enjoyed the play I found it was very hard to take in the full contents of the play whilst constantly looking directly to the side of the stage (screens on both sides) to see what was being said. It really is a difficult combination because I love subtitles but maybe I am slightly spoilt with having them at the bottom of a TV screen, skim-reading so fast that I've still got a moment to take in the action, the drama unfurling between every glance.

 This year I offered to buy a two tickets for a friend to a play called The Secret Garden @ West Acre Theatre. I intended the tickets to be for her and a friend of hers but through some misunderstanding she made the assumption I would be the 2nd ticket holder. My immediate reaction was to say no, why would I want to sit through a play that I'd probably only understand about 20% off, mostly due to visuals. Then I thought about it, why couldn't I go? Maybe I could get a communicator or a script to read during the play. So I emailed West Acre Theatre and I was so pleased by their quick responses and willingness to help. They explained the theatre was far too small to accommodate a communicator (this became transparently clear when I went to watch the play) but they would be more than happy to give me a script, and with a small torch I could follow it during the play. Some of my family wanted to see the play too so they came along. When I paid for the tickets they asked me if I could sit in the middle of the group so that they wouldn't get any complaints about the light. This made me laugh, since when has being a family member or a friend meant they wouldn't complain?! Needless to say, they didn't and they were also very pleased by how accommodating the Theatre were being.
  I did enjoy the play. I was sat at the front so I could attempt to lipread most of it but often referred back to the script. It was hard work, flicking between the play itself and looking down at the script in my hand. Earlier that day I'd accidentally caught the film 'The Secret Garden' and wondered if the play would be pretty much the same (and it was very similar). I love the storyline. A girl, Mary sent away to a manor with lots of rooms and gardens, only to find a young 'crippled' boy, Colin who had lost his mother and himself. With the help of Mary who finds a 'secret garden' which had been locked away with the death of the mother Colin finds himself again and realizes that he is not at all 'crippled' and that magic exists in others and himself.

 Thank you so much West Acre Theatre, it was a pleasure to visit you and watch the play. Thank you for accommodating me and for putting on a lovely play, it really means alot. So if in doubt folks, don't be afraid to contact the Theatre directly and seeing what they can do for you - they don't bite!

Compromising the Fantasy by Eleanor

 So, I really wanted to clarify something before I start this blog (I know, I've already started it, so what exactly am I on about?) that although I can complain and moan and scream the walls down about how difficult it is being deaf, that I'm actually proud to be who I am.
I know I've not really got much choice, but I am so lucky to be someone who is automatically accepted in both the hearing world and the deaf world because of the machines in my ears. It can be really isolating at times, but life is what you make of it, and I can most be selective with the information I chose to gain. Other bits of information take alot more attention and effort to get it, but if I really wanted it, I'd just say 'What was that again?' several times. Not that I do, because its only acceptable to say it three, four times at the maximum and then nod your head like you TOTALLY understand.

 I went to the cinema on Saturday to see Frozen with subtitles. I went with the local deaf club and I felt so proud to sit there and watch the film with such clarity. So many times I've been to the cinema and plonked a fake smile on my face because everyone else is laughing and I don't want to stand out. This time, I was the one laughing at the cheesy jokes and poor slap-stick (this is in no way implying that this is a rubbish film, quite the opposite, I REALLY enjoyed it... watch it!!).
 I felt truly refreshed having sat next to a young girl who was signing to me throughout the film. I don't think she was deaf, I think she had a relation that was deaf and had learnt BSL that way. But she recognised that I could sign to her, that I could understand her and she loved the opportunity to use that, and I did too.
This is the children I want to bring into the world from my classroom. When I become a teacher (not IF) I will teach the children that we all have different support methods, but inside, we are all the same. I want to show the children the beauty of British Sign Language, not only to communicate with me, with deaf people, but to communicate with each other - it is a language that they can learn, enjoy and spread beyond the classroom. BSL is so visual, so clear, when I see people signing to me, its like a picture forms in my head and everything becomes transparent. Words can get jumbled and hurried and lose all meaning but BSL lingers.

 It's been a rough few weeks. I completed BSL Level 3 part 1 with a view to continue onto getting my NVQ Level 3 but have been told that I need to work on my BSL structure more before I could comfortably achieve this. I automatically took this as an insult, that I can't sign therefore don't fit in the deaf world, I can't communicate orally as well as hearing people, so I don't fit in there.
 But whats my real hurry? Why do I need to achieve it so badly that I'm trying to stress myself out by studying for my PGCE and BSL at the same time? Why don't I just enjoy the ride? I've got a lifetime to obtain a piece of paper, what really matters is what I do with the time now, and that means meeting more deaf people, building my confidence up and becoming an even stronger person.

 This isn't me giving up, this is me sitting in the backroom plotting my explosive return.

 P.S Make the date in your diary - 17th December at Majestic Cinema, Kings Lynn, the Hobbit 2 is subtitled at 19.30pm... be there!! :)