Deafness & Friendships by Imogene

I first want to apologise as I've neglected this blog for my own family one Little and Big and this one has been on the back burner of many ovens I have to juggle.
Life is very much like that busy time when you're cooking tea and there's so much to be done, yet everything happens at once! But I'm making a mid year promise to you readers that I'm going to make more of an effort with this blog. I love this blog and I love what it stands for. I love that I can share things that I maybe wouldn't on my other blog.

I know that may seem like an odd thing to write but I'm not one to feel like I need to broadcast my Deafness and it does pop up over there occasionally but I mostly write about my every day life and the things that are important to me in that time. I write passionately about my little family and to be honest, I don't like to feel that my Deafness holds me back in any regards. (clearly does - hearing aids, hello!)

Eleanor (or El as I know her as - feels odd to call her by her proper name!) asked me the other day if I was ashamed of wearing hearing aids. I replied, ' I don't like them no' and she asked 'why not? Without them you wouldn't be able to hear.' She had a point.
But I honestly don't like wearing them. I don't like how they affect my hairstyle choice. I know it seems such a trivial matter in life but I don't like them on show and I always feel like they are. I feel I want to do plaits and them scruffy top buns - obviously I can, and I do around the house but in public I don't have the confidence to do so.
I don't like meeting new people and them finding out as it changes things so quickly. They look at your face more and over pronounce the words - they treat you like you're deaf. I hate that so much, I don't want to be treated like that, I want them to talk to me like they do other people because I usually am fine and pick it up, there's only odd parts I may miss. I'd rather play dumb and be like 'oh pardon?'.

Honestly, I'd love it if any of you feel this way, mention it in the comments :)

I'm aware that most of this is probably my own insecurities and awkwardness to the whole Deaf persona. I guess I don't like that I depend on my hearing aids, and I don't like glorifying my Deafness. I've never used it to my advantage and I've never been one to show it off. I'm a Deaf person, living in a hearing world. I'm just not.. proud to be Deaf I suppose. There's many downsides to being Deaf that I can't really see why people would be 'Deaf and Proud' and sometimes I have to be brutally honest that the Deaf community can make me feel so awkward and cringy at times. I find at times that I can't see why it's different to any other disability. People live with all types of disabilities, so I don't see why mine's an issue. God, I've probably offended you all, but hear me out. I think it's honestly amazing that people can be so positive about Deafness and are really open, share tips and attend Deaf events. It's fabulous that people can genuinely embrace it. (like El, building a signing choir! It's going places - it's amazing! I probably should give it a go at some point.) The support is amazing in the Deaf community and I find it really lovely.

But somehow, I think I find myself feeling selfish if I think on it too much, especially with a young family. I have to work through being Deaf to make me the best possible Mum and Wife I can be. I guess I ijhjust feel stupid if I mishear things, so I feel I need to keep on top. I don't feel I have time to bother. But, I know without my hearing aids, I'd be useless. Completely crap at everything but I'm glad I'm not. I do depend on my hearing aids whether I like it or not. I will always be Deaf whether I like it or not and I'll live with it as well as I have done up to now. I'm incredibly grateful that hearing aids have been made and brought out.
I'm also pretty damn lucky to have met my best friend through being Deaf as well. There's many plus's to being Deaf as I can take my hearing aids out and sleep in silence (that has got to be the best thing right?!) and I've made some of my best friendships through it.
I guess I've probably just got to get over it and why should I hide it? There's nothing wrong with it. It's all me isn't it? This post probably doesn't make that much sense as I totally contradicted myself in most ways - but I'm sure we've been on that route to self acceptance.
Maybe I have, maybe I haven't.

I'd love you to share your thoughts with me x

The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Film Review by Imogene

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Directed: Stephan Chbosky

Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma, Watson, Paul Rudd, Johnny Simmons, Ezra Miller, Dylan McDermott, Kate Walsh, Nina Dobrev

Genre: Drama, Romance

Stars: 5/5

(Contains Spoilers)

I have to say for this actual film, I was never particularly bothered about seeing it upon its release, but after hearing it’s “film of the year” for 2012 and was highly rated by many sites and reviews – I decided to add it to my LoveFilm list. When it came through the post I was eager to watch it, to simply understand the hype for it. I have to say I was not at all disappointed. From the moment it started, till it finished, I was hooked!

The film starts with showing us Charlie (Logan Lerman) at a desk in his room on the eve of attending high school. He’s writing a letter to an unknown pen pal sharing his worries for the days and term ahead. Feeling like he’s not going to make friends, he just attends lessons and keeps his head down for the best part. He befriends his teacher Mr. Anderson (Paul Rudd) who picks up on his great abilities on English Language and starts giving him added assignments.

Charlie attends a school football game alone one evening and sits near the flamboyant Patrick (Ezra Miller). As they start to enjoy the game Sam (Emma Watson) joins with them and at that moment Charlie is hit by Sam’s beauty. He becomes acquainted to the pair and heads home in high spirits, only to arrive home to witness his sister Candance being attacked by her boyfriend. Charlie is nerved by this as his Aunt got abused by her partners before she died so he goes to help her only for her to swear him to secrecy from their parents.

At a homecoming party Charlie is stood alone around the edge of the hall, seeing his sister with her boyfriend he goes joins Patrick and Sam. After the homecoming he goes with them to a house party, there he meets Mary Elizabeth, Alice and Bob. He also gets to meet Sam’s boyfriend Craig and is instantly jealous. Bob encourages Charlie to eat a pot brownie (which he had no idea was one) and as he gets high all the party members are amused by the stuff he says. Sam saves his from total embarrassment as he says he want a strawberry milkshake and takes him to the kitchen where he compliments her on her eyes and then tells her about the death of his best friend. He then leaves the kitchen to go upstairs to the toilet and accidentally walks in on Patrick with Brad (Johnny Simmons) kissing. Patrick is panicked as Brad doesn’t want their relationship to get out (as his father doesn’t approve) and makes him promise he’ll never repeat what he saw. He agrees not to say anything. Sam meanwhile is left shocked and goes speaks to Patrick saying she doesn’t think he has any friends – they both welcome him with open arms into the group.

 

(Sam through the Tunnel)

Whilst they both drive Charlie home, an unknown song comes up on the radio and tells Patrick to drive through the tunnel, where she gets in the back of the pick up truck and waves her arms around. Charlie again is completely stunned by her natural beauty.

Sam doesn’t do too well in tests so in the coming months up to Christmas, Charlie says he would help her revise. At Christmas all the friends participate in a “Secret Santa” gift exchange. On the last night of the exchange Sam takes Charlie up to her room to show him, her gift – A typewriter. Charlie is wowed by this present. They start talking about first kisses and she shared that her first kiss was by her father’s boss who molested her in her younger years. He tells Sam that he’s never kissed anyone before and she says she want his first kiss to be by someone who loves him and the pair end up kissing.

On Charlie’s birthday he has flashbacks of his Aunt Helen who died in a car accident that same night after getting him a present. At a new years party he takes a LSD and has many flashbacks of the things that happened surrounding Aunt Helen's death and their relationship together, he gets found passed out by the police.

After being dismissed he attended a party with the gang and had Mary Elizabeth as a partner to the dance, they end up going back to her house and making out – she then announces he’s her boyfriend now. Charlie doesn’t really like her like that and ends up going along with it because he doesn’t know how to break up with M-E without hurting her feelings, but has no interest in her neediness. Whilst at a party with the gang they play truth or dare, Patrick on Charlies turn dares him to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, and everyone assumes he’d go for Mary Elizabeth but he jumps out at Sam. The pair is angry with what he did and Patrick tells him to give it time before approaching the group again.

 

(Charlie kisses Sam in the Dare)

Being back to being alone again, Charlie starts to isolate himself and the memories of Aunt Helen worsen. After meeting with Bob, Charlie finds out that Brads father found out about Brad and Patrick's relationship. He tries to talk to Patrick only for him to tell him to leave him alone for the moment. Brad is seen with a massive bruise on his face and tells people a wrong tale as to why he got the mark. Patrick walks by Brads table at lunch and he calls him a faggot – then the pair end up fighting on the cafeteria floor. Charlie intervenes and tells them to back off his friends.

Patrick is heartbroken that he and Brad had to end their relationship and ends up getting closer to Charlie. After they've been spending a lot of time together Patrick one night tries to kiss Charlie. With no reaction Patrick bursts into tears and apologises. Sam ends her relationship with Craig as she finds out he cheated on her 3 times.

Sam gets through to Graduation and is off to Penn State. After her leaving party, Charlie helps Sam pack her items up. Wondering why he never asked her out as she’s liked him, and talked of Craig and the relationship there she asked why does she always fall for people that aren’t good for her and Charlie replies “We accept the love we think we deserve”, after some more confessions the pair end up kissing and is stopped when she rubs the inner thigh, but resumes after he mentioned that it wasn’t anything that made him stop.

The next day he watches Sam leave for college and is feeling upset. Going home he receives more flashbacks of his repressed memories of Aunt Helen who used to abuse him as a young boy and ends up calling Cadence saying it was his fault she’s dead. Getting the police to the house so that Charlie couldn’t harm himself, before he could they got to him and he blacked out.

We then see him in a hospital confused as to why he’s there. The Doctor tells his parents of the damage that his Aunt did and that the reasons for his breakdowns were because of repressed memories. On being discharged Sam and Patrick meet with Charlie and go to a restaurant. On leaving Sam says she found out the name of the song that was playing when they first went through the tunnel together. Charlie gets in the back of the truck this time and screams on his way out of the tunnel.

I adored this film and like I said at the start I was hooked from the moment I turned it on to the moment the credits rolled. I’m glad it was a long film as I don’t think I would’ve been satisfied with it only being an hour long. The plot had plenty of room to develop and it did develop in an even pace which was perfect for this genre. There were no moments that I felt it was rushed – I got everything I wanted from the storyline.

I really liked Charlie’s character and loved the way he was portrayed as shy and nervous, it brought real depth to the film and the character. It also was lovely to see him grow more confident throughout the film. It was his story and it was well documented – I want to read the book now.

The whole crew was fantastic, it was especially nice to see not all well recognised cast members as it allowed there to be interest in how the character shall be played. I have to say it’s now one of my favourite films and shall enjoy watching once again someday!

I have given it a 5/5 because I felt it was very mysterious and gripping film, it was very interesting all round, there was never a moment where I felt like I was loosing interest or wondering what was going on – fabulous film!

Another Deaf Experience: By Eleanor

My friend and I went to Odeon Cinema in Norwich just a few days ago to watch the new Hangover III. We arrived with plenty of time as we wanted to get some food before watching the film. I suggested that we buy the tickets before eating, saves time and there wasn’t much of a queue this early.

 We went up to the young man to purchase the tickets. Unfortunately he was completely unaware of deaf awareness!

 I asked him for two tickets for the subtitled performance of The Hangover III. He looked at his computer for a few seconds until I said ‘I think it’s the quarter to 7 one’. He looked up and then looked again at his computer and said ‘Do you mean the quarter past 7 showing?’ I said, ‘We want the subtitled one, if that’s the one then yes’. He said ‘Ohh, you want the captioned one sorry’ and looked at a piece of paper to check what time it was on. He then said ‘Ah yes 6.45 sorry.’ I handed over my CEA card and he tried to ask me a question, it was really hard to understand him, his lips barely moved and youthful hair growth spurts on his face (or what you might call a beard) made it hard work. He must have noticed me squinting my eyes as if to concentrate so he tried to ask my friend the question as well. I could tell by her face she felt the same as me, so I said ‘Sorry she’s deaf she can’t hear you’. He apologised (constantly, and politely) and did try to repeat it again but I just said all the answers to questions I thought he might be asking for example ‘I don’t mind where we sit, just the two tickets please’. Whether I gave the right answer or whether he gave up, I’m not quite sure! He then said £9 (NOTE: £9 for a single ticket!!) which I repeated to my friend. She handed over the money and he finally gave us the tickets (whilst apologising once again).

Perhaps he didn’t hear me either at the beginning. Perhaps I wasn’t very clear. Maybe just the three of us are all shy, withdrawn people who don’t normally like to ask to repeat things.
 It made me feel better in a way, to know that I shouldn’t feel stupid in situations like that. It is difficult when you’re trying to ask for something but you’re too scared of the responses. I’ve often got my hearing friends to pay for things for me, or order my drinks/food etc because I’m just too scared that I’ll be asked a question that I can’t hear. But why should that stop me? Why should I be ‘babysat’ (even though I’m the oldest of my friends!) because of communication breakdown, not even that, just fear of communication breakdown?

My friend and I then went to Wetherspoon’s to eat. I went up to the bar to order our food (I know, check me out!) which seemed easy enough, in pubs it is almost expected that you might not be able to hear so well and it’s actually rather normal to say ‘WHHAAAT?’
 The food came to the table and the waiter said ‘Two Chicken Melts?’ My friend said ‘Oh that was quick’ (Although I heard it as a ‘No thanks’ so I’m 50% sure the waiter heard the same thing). He said ‘Oh’ and walked away with our food. My friend was mortified, I said not to worry, it’s just food!!

 I got the attention of another waitress and explained the situation and she said ‘oh OK I’ll go grab it for you’ and brought our food out.

All it takes is a little communication, explanation and understanding. I guess you just have to be brave enough to put yourself out there… or I’d still be sat in Wetherspoons starving by now!!

Why I enjoy studying BSL: Eleanor

 Although I am deaf, I was brought up orally. From the very beginning my dad was insistent that I wouldn’t be given ‘labels’, that I was perfectly able to speak like pretty much everyone we knew.

As I grew up, I didn’t know any different. My world was surrounded by hearing people and I’d never met any people like me, or Deaf/deaf.

It wasn’t until I became a teenager that I had an eye opening experience. I went to a summer school with the NDCS for 2 weeks and it quite literally changed me. I met people who could sign fluently but couldn’t communicate orally. At first it scared me, I had problems of my own with communicating so how could I communicate with them? I met other people who were similar to me, brought up orally and relied heavily on lipreading. These were the ones that I straight away connected with, the similar toil and troubles of studying at school and explaining that hearing aids aren’t a cure, just an aid. I made lots of friends at this summer school and have the fondest memories of those two weeks. The unforgettable experience of the summer school has set the bar with my volunteering at NDCS, I want each child to go home feeling how I felt, and with their heads held high.

After attending summer school I realised I wanted to learn to sign, I wanted to connect with these people and communicate, find out their thoughts and hopefully become friends. We all have a voice, just some are louder than others. With help from my ToD (Teacher of the Deaf) and various mock classes that some of her other students and parents were invited too, we were all taught basic sign language. That wasn’t enough for me, I wanted more. My mum and I then signed up for BSL Level 1 when I was still a teenager.

 I really enjoyed BSL Level 1. Mainly because I was like a sponge at that age and took BSL like a duck to water. I never needed to practise, it was more my mum that worried about the assessments etc. and used me to practise on. When it finished I was determined to carry on but my mum decided not to.

 

 I signed up for Level 2, but when it came down to it, I was still that shy withdrawn girl in the corner, how could I even pretend that I belonged to the deaf world when all I knew was ABCs and various basic signs? I retreated and decided not to go to the classes. This, I know now, was a big mistake and I regret not attending. However the following year it made me more determined and I signed up for it again, (it was now called the pre-level 2 qualification). I forced myself to go to the first class and it was scary because there were only 6-7 of us, all girls (apart from the tutor, lucky man!) and they all knew each other. It was extremely intimidating, they had all been on the course that previous year and the signs were still fresh in their minds. It took a lot of willpower to stay for that class, many times I wanted to run away. It was still difficult because at pre-level 2 there are still lots of students talking rather than signing, especially when you can’t think of the signs for what you really want to say. I missed out, even in a BSL class!! At times it made me angry and confused, I couldn’t seem to fit in with the hearing world anymore, not with this knowledge that there were people like me out there! But I couldn’t find the comfort, support and knowledge that I needed to fit in.

After a few classes I started to become more confident, comfortable. I knew more signs than some of the others and once they realised that I was deaf myself they began helping me out with conversations that I’d missed. Or at least trying to, with our limited BSL vocabulary! Towards the end I started enjoying myself and made friends. I’m still in touch with one of them which is really nice J

The next level was difficult. I live in Kings Lynn area and there were no classes in the area for Level 2. I now had to travel to Norwich for the nearest class (about 35-40 miles away) for 18:30, not finishing until 21:00. It was difficult to fit in with my college studies but I was determined and motivated now, I wanted to be able to communicate with BSL users more than anything, I was still volunteering for the NDCS and sometimes the WNDA (West Norfolk Deaf Association) which really spurred me on, I wanted to see this thing all the way through!

On Level 2, I was extremely lucky to meet one of my now close friends. When we first met we instantly got on, many people asked if we already knew each other and were surprised when we said no. She was also deaf, in a similar position to me and we got on like a house on fire. Of course we had our little girly giggles in the middle of classes though!

I’m now on pre-level 3 at the moment and I love it. When we get there our voices are turned off and our hands warmed up. Everyone is so keen to sign and learn new signs too. In our group conversations quite often someone will start signing about something and there’s at least one blank face. You are then bombarded with other signers who understood what was said and keen to explain, hopefully in a clearer way for you to interpret. Everyone is so warm and understanding of my needs. Even if there is a funny noise outside someone will instantly sign to me what’s happened and I no longer feel stupid for asking. It’s probably one of the only places in the world where I feel right at home.

Paper Aeroplanes Review by Imogene

Paper Aeroplanes

Book Author: Dawn O’ Porter

Publisher: Hot Key Books

So, there’s something new on this blog – a book review. And I have to be perfectly honest, it’s my first, but I hope it levels with my film ones. Dawn O’ Porter is one of my favourite bloggers EVER. I adore her documentaries and work as a journalist – but most of all, her style of writing! This is one of the few things that made me fall in love with her first book “Paper Aeroplanes”.

The story is written in the eyes and language of two teenage girls, Renee and Flo. They are both fifteen and have dysfunctional lives that they both struggle to live with. They both have many things that lie very much in common with one another; however it was a friendship that wasn’t meant to happen.

Renee lives with her grandparents and sister, following the horrifying death of her mother when she was only six years old.  Flo lives with her mother, little sister and big brother.  Her mother and father are separated but she has to take on the role of “mum” to her little sister therefore putting the experiences of a “normal” teenager, far out of sight.

Due to the heartache and burdens in their lives, it was a friendship that ran deep and kept them bonded together. Their meeting changed everything they have ever known about friendship and themselves. Together and separately they experience what teenage life is really like for a fifteen year old in 1994.  

I was very interested in reading this book as soon as I saw that it was available to pre-order. Also, that it was written by Dawn O’ Porter! It looked very cheeky, so all the more reason to read it, yes?
As soon as I turned the first page I couldn’t stop reading. The words flow so easily and made it such a gripping book to keep hold of. I’m all for an emotional book and this had every emotion written in at all times. There were points where you giggled to yourself thinking “I can’t believe it!” and times where you quietly let a few tears slide out as you felt such an attachment to the characters. It’s quite an emotional rollercoaster.

It’s written almost diary-like which makes it all so intense! I liked this as it is narrated at different times by both Renee and Flo – we got to see their personal thoughts about one another and other people in their own way.

I loved reading about Renee and Flo together, the conversations they have and things that they do and it instantly makes you think of your own best friend. I’m glad it was written in this way as it gave depth to the characters and made it so the book had two personalities bouncing off one another!
It was very heartbreaking at times and due to the writing style it made me feel for the characters and sympathise with them (this is always good when you fall in deep with a book!). Also it has a realistic plotline which makes it easy and enjoyable to read, you never feel out of your depth nor struggled to understand. It’s really a story of two ordinary girls with a lot of loneliness and upset in their world, but finds someone to relate – this is what made their friendship special. This is why you pine for them to make up when they fall out and why you want them to succeed in their GCSE’s and make something of their life! Honestly, when stopping the book it was hard to think that they weren’t real people, because the wave of feeling that you had for them wouldn’t let you believe that! There isn’t a page where nothing is happening – so if you’re planning on reading this, have a couple of lazy days set aside!

It’s also important too that it covers lots of important teenage issues such as, Periods, Sex, Friendship, Bullying, Exams, Anorexia and Home-life struggles. It’s simply a book that’ll never be outdated, however so many of this next generation won’t get to experience the importance of note sharing in classes! (I loved the notes in the book – so many great memories!).

It was genuinely a pleasure to read and will forever be highly rated as one of my favourite books. I highly recommend it!

****

I’m pleased to say that it has been announced that Dawn is doing a second book to this tale (YAY!) – From where, I am clueless!

I tried to stay away from reviews on this book as much as I could as I wanted to completely submerge into the story and have my own images and thoughts. However when I was reading through my twitter feed someone mentioned that Dawn used her diary to help her write this story – so one of the characters was her, now which one did you think it was?

The Script Weekend!

Helloo!
So I have been told, (even though I was going to do one myself at some point!) to do a post about the weekend that has just gone! I went with one of my best friends, as part of her Christmas present, to see The Script! - I thank you Els for asking me! ;)
Now I'm a fan of The Script,.. but to contradict myself, I don't know all the words, nor would I die for them, but I like their music and they seem like decent guys from any interviews that I've seen! I do wish that I had listened to the songs more and got to know the words - cos I let myself down by going to an amazing concert and not being able to sing along to every song; however I did woop and clap A LOT! (So It somehow makes up for the lack of lyric knowledge, yeah?)

I love the atmosphere of going to a concert, how everyone is sitting there waiting for it to start, chatting about what it's going to be like and feeling the general excitement in the air! I don't know if that comes with being deaf, being more aware of your surroundings? Feeling the anticipation all around you? It's amazing. It's like being part of a group, I mean it just doesn't matter about anything while you're there, when you're in the moment singing along and being too excited! No-one judges you whilst you sing, clap or woop - everyone is there to enjoy themselves, whether you're Deaf, Autistic, Black, White or have a fetish for feet! It simply doesn't matter, we all enjoy the music together, and for a while that's all that matters.
I  was also quite surprised at how well I understood the lads! They did some talking and telling tales between songs.. and I thought that I'd find it difficult hearing and understanding what they were saying, especially in their Irish accent, and also knowing that microphones gives feedback and can make voices sound muffled - but It was completely the opposite! (I'm guessing this is the most amazing technology they use at the Arena?) It was almost like they were in front of me just chatting to me, just normally, I have to say it was a massive relief especially as I did worry that I would miss it and it'd ruin the experience by looking like 'huh? what?' So I was glad that my worries weren't met :)
However having low blood sugars, and drinking coke at 11.45pm, ending in only 3 hours sleep was pretty much the only down thing there! But completely was weighed out by the fact I spent the weekend in amazing company and really enjoyed my time in London & travelling! :D (It's so relaxing!!) But after such a successful trip I'd be more than happy to go again for a show, knowing that I'd be able to hear the person talking on stage!

The beginning, by Eleanor

I’ve realised that I love going to the cinema when the films are subtitled. Too many times have I gone just to be a part of the social circle only to be sat full of regret, wasting 2/3 hours of my life not understanding a word that has been said. It has frustrated and annoyed, upset and depressed me. It can be quite a difficult process, being isolated from going to the cinema with friends because in all frankness it’s a waste of money and time to watch a film you will never understand until you have the good fortune to come across it on DVD or TV and the subtitled option is available.

 Even now I believe cinemas could do more for deaf users. My local cinema does not provide subtitles at all and I have to drive an hour and a quarter to my nearest subtitled cinema provider, re-arrange my life to be able to go at random times that is shown and find someone who can afford or wants to come (no I can’t go to the cinema on my own, it seems such as a waste when I have to drive so far anyway!). Even at the Odeon the trailers are not subtitled and yes I know they aren’t part of the film but if I really must have to sit through 5/6 constant trailers I’d quite like to know what they are about and maybe feel a part of the laughter from the row behind. It would also be nice to know generally what films to be watching out for and what might interest me to come again. Just because I cannot understand what they are saying, doesn’t mean I should miss out on the same information being given to everyone else?

It has been an absolute relief and joy to have a friend such as Immy to share my frustrations with. We feel the same about so many of the issues in life, not just at the cinema but in everyday life. I know that if I ever want to try a new experience with enticing deaf-awareness involved that Immy will be instantly by my side.

When eating Pizza Hut just a few days ago Immy felt that we should have somewhere that we could rant about these feelings and share with the outside world. You know Immy has a good idea when she starts with ‘I know it sounds gay but…’. And here we are.