Playing Mum with No Working Hearing Aids.. by Imogene

Hi there again!

I am a Mum to two beautiful young boys (3 & 13 weeks) and they are the centre of my world. Everyday, I am doing things with them, listening to their cries, chants and giggles. They're honestly the most beautiful sounds I hear and I thoroughly appreciate being able to hear them. But what happens on the one day you can't?

Let me explain.
Wednesday last week, I woke as usual to the vibration of Freddie thumping around the bedroom and his (very) high pitched squeal as my hubby is tickling him. It's a normal morning. I sit up and put my hearing aids in and try and hush my lads as my littlest is fast asleep, and well, it's too early to hear such loud noises.
I get up, get dressed and go fetch some breakfast as Noah is still fast asleep. I do love the hectic mornings in this house. It's constantly filled with Freddie shouting he wants more milk with his cereal, or how hubby will be late home that afternoon, or that Noah will want a bottle at 20 past the hour. It's all so normal and it's the thing I wake up to and adore. I like the sound of babbling voices and things lumping around. It's my family.

I however dislike when my hearing aids run out. The tapping really irritates me, and always seem to start at the most inconvenient time! But like everything you tend to do as a parent you just put it to one side and get round to it when you can. My life is busy as a Mum, I'm constantly on the go of feeding and changing, as well as talking and playing. So on the day when one of your hearing aids decides it's finished it's battery life, you think "yeah, OK, I'll change you once I've finish *insert job here*" and this is exactly what I did.
Until my other one decided to start going off too.
Safe to say I rely on my hearing aids A LOT when I'm at home.

Freddie is very much one of them Toddlers that when they want something, they'll want to drag you or keep hanging around the item they want; for example Freddie keeps opening and shutting the pantry door when he wants something to eat. It's probably partly because he's around me most of the time, so knows that will get my attention. Of course he doesn't always do that, he does often shove his face in mine and go "Can I have a biscuit?" "Mummmmmmmmmmmy, I'm huuungry!" or "What time is it? Is it time for Dinner?!"

So on this day my hearing aids were tapping away, driving me up the wall. I had to stop doing everything and find some batteries.
I have many spots around the house and in bags where my battery packs seem to accumulate. In a basket above the microwave, in my handbag, in Noah's changing bag and beside my bedside. I went to all of my usual spots and there were either packets of all used batteries (why these were still here I've no idea!) or there was nothing to find.

Oh Sh*t!

I was a Mum in a house alone with two young, demanding kids and I was completely deaf.
You could imagine how quiet it felt. It felt really odd seeing and looking after my kids but with absolutely no hearing. I managed the best I could and things were OK, I just had to watch everything 10x more than I ever had before. Every move and action had to be accounted for.
A natural thing as a parent is to keep an eye out and look after your child, but there was something about them hours that made me feel like I was doing a terrible job. I know I wasn't really, but it did make me realise that sometimes I rely on my Aids more than I think.

I contacted my mum by text and she tried ringing me, but texting that I can't hear and well, it was a massive miscommunication but finally got to explain that I don't have any batteries!
 As a family we don't have any transport so I couldn't drive to the Hospital, I didn't have any cash on me to get the bus to the Hospital, or a shop to buy any, Chris was at work until 5, which means the shops would be close by the time he finished his shift (not to mention it was 10am in the morning).. It was basically the most annoying situation ever.

My Nan came to my rescue and brought some in Boots for me and brought them to me (Got to love Grandparents who'll do anything for you!). I was saved and all systems were go..
I will never let myself get in that situation ever again. It was hugely frustrating.
It showed me what I am capable of as a Mum, exactly how much I appreciate having Hearing Aids in my life and that I love the sounds my family make. If I didn't have them, I don't know what I'd do!

Bedtime Fears as a Deaf Mother by Imogene

Hello everyone,
Once again I'll apologise for the lack of posting, been awfully busy with my little family that I haven't managed to get round to sharing a couple of stories that I have been wanting to!

My husband is a Chef at a local hotel and he very often works the worst hours for a family, and whilst it's like that we're lucky he gets 2 days off a week (sometimes only 1 during busy weeks) but,  he actually has a job! 
One day he comes home and announces he's going to have to stay at work the following night as he can't get into work as it's an early start, so he's going to have to stay in one of the hotel rooms. As he's unable to get a lift in as he's covering for someone who's on holiday, and we have no transport (something we're working on) there was little choice in anything else. When he mentioned it I was fine with the idea, I mean he's had nights alone with our son whilst I've been away with the girls, so really it probably was about time I had a night alone in the bed (plus I could spread out, what more could I really ask for?). I did what I do every night of the week, put my son to bed, do the last few house chores and then relax in front of the soaps for the evening. 
It was only when it reached 11pm that I started feeling sad, because I always know he'll be home about now, no matter how many hours he's done in the day. I wanted him to come in the house, talk too loud, (as they have to talk loud in the kitchen over the fans - so he says!) get a drink and then moan about what time he's starting the next day and then we'd go upstairs, check on Freddie and then go to bed, turning the lights off as we go through. But that night, I was alone, going through the routine. The bed was cold (Men have a way of warming the bed for you even if they're in their half and only in the bed 30 seconds before you climb in) and the bedroom seemed too dark. I moved our son's baby monitor to my bedside, in case he woke up it'll wake me more than the usual place of across the room - I never have a problem with the night calls as Freddie rarely wakes and as Chris is such a light sleeper he normally gets up. But tonight it was all me, I take my hearing aids out and it feels weird being in the bed, because everything was odd. Nothing felt right. I felt really nervous to be left in the house on my own overnight.
It seems silly really because we come from a good area and we know one of the neighbours really well, but I felt so unsettled. I know part of it was because Chris wasn't there, but also because I was in complete silence. I was alone, I felt alone in the house, even though Freddie was next door, I was worried and my fears began to ran through my mind. I worried that Freddie would wake up, cry and cry, but I didn't wake up. I worried that if there happens to be a burglar, I would be completely useless as I wouldn't hear them break in. What if they were kidnappers and took Freddie when he was asleep and I never heard them get in the house, nor past our room into ours? What if. That's what kept me up thinking of all the things, that I couldn't hear or do if anything was to happen. I've never realised how vulnerable I am when I have no hearing aids in - anything could literally happen, if I didn't see, feel or hear it, I'm actually no good. I wouldn't be able to be the mother that my son needed in them few minutes, because I couldn't hear him..
So I ended up putting my hearing aids in and laying there all night awake, twitching at every noise. (As weird as it is to have them out, I do enjoy the silence during the night, but having the hearing aids in was strange as I could hear the boiler, the dog bark outside, the few cars that actually go past at 3am, everything.) I actually couldn't sleep - I'm sure I fell asleep eventually but it didn't feel like it. The night seemed to go on forever, I kept looking at the clock. I felt exhausted, but I just couldn't relax. What if. 

My son never woke up at all, and we never got burgled, nor had any kidnappers in the house. Everything was a perfectly normal night apart from the lack of my Zzz's and Husband in the house.
One thing that did make me smile was that Chris text me the next morning saying 'Crap nights sleep :( It's not the same without you. X' Seems we both had a rubbish night, so I've told him he's not allowed to work that shift unless he can get a lift in! I guess we get used to the way in which we live!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Film Review by Imogene

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Directed: Stephan Chbosky

Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma, Watson, Paul Rudd, Johnny Simmons, Ezra Miller, Dylan McDermott, Kate Walsh, Nina Dobrev

Genre: Drama, Romance

Stars: 5/5

(Contains Spoilers)

I have to say for this actual film, I was never particularly bothered about seeing it upon its release, but after hearing it’s “film of the year” for 2012 and was highly rated by many sites and reviews – I decided to add it to my LoveFilm list. When it came through the post I was eager to watch it, to simply understand the hype for it. I have to say I was not at all disappointed. From the moment it started, till it finished, I was hooked!

The film starts with showing us Charlie (Logan Lerman) at a desk in his room on the eve of attending high school. He’s writing a letter to an unknown pen pal sharing his worries for the days and term ahead. Feeling like he’s not going to make friends, he just attends lessons and keeps his head down for the best part. He befriends his teacher Mr. Anderson (Paul Rudd) who picks up on his great abilities on English Language and starts giving him added assignments.

Charlie attends a school football game alone one evening and sits near the flamboyant Patrick (Ezra Miller). As they start to enjoy the game Sam (Emma Watson) joins with them and at that moment Charlie is hit by Sam’s beauty. He becomes acquainted to the pair and heads home in high spirits, only to arrive home to witness his sister Candance being attacked by her boyfriend. Charlie is nerved by this as his Aunt got abused by her partners before she died so he goes to help her only for her to swear him to secrecy from their parents.

At a homecoming party Charlie is stood alone around the edge of the hall, seeing his sister with her boyfriend he goes joins Patrick and Sam. After the homecoming he goes with them to a house party, there he meets Mary Elizabeth, Alice and Bob. He also gets to meet Sam’s boyfriend Craig and is instantly jealous. Bob encourages Charlie to eat a pot brownie (which he had no idea was one) and as he gets high all the party members are amused by the stuff he says. Sam saves his from total embarrassment as he says he want a strawberry milkshake and takes him to the kitchen where he compliments her on her eyes and then tells her about the death of his best friend. He then leaves the kitchen to go upstairs to the toilet and accidentally walks in on Patrick with Brad (Johnny Simmons) kissing. Patrick is panicked as Brad doesn’t want their relationship to get out (as his father doesn’t approve) and makes him promise he’ll never repeat what he saw. He agrees not to say anything. Sam meanwhile is left shocked and goes speaks to Patrick saying she doesn’t think he has any friends – they both welcome him with open arms into the group.

 

(Sam through the Tunnel)

Whilst they both drive Charlie home, an unknown song comes up on the radio and tells Patrick to drive through the tunnel, where she gets in the back of the pick up truck and waves her arms around. Charlie again is completely stunned by her natural beauty.

Sam doesn’t do too well in tests so in the coming months up to Christmas, Charlie says he would help her revise. At Christmas all the friends participate in a “Secret Santa” gift exchange. On the last night of the exchange Sam takes Charlie up to her room to show him, her gift – A typewriter. Charlie is wowed by this present. They start talking about first kisses and she shared that her first kiss was by her father’s boss who molested her in her younger years. He tells Sam that he’s never kissed anyone before and she says she want his first kiss to be by someone who loves him and the pair end up kissing.

On Charlie’s birthday he has flashbacks of his Aunt Helen who died in a car accident that same night after getting him a present. At a new years party he takes a LSD and has many flashbacks of the things that happened surrounding Aunt Helen's death and their relationship together, he gets found passed out by the police.

After being dismissed he attended a party with the gang and had Mary Elizabeth as a partner to the dance, they end up going back to her house and making out – she then announces he’s her boyfriend now. Charlie doesn’t really like her like that and ends up going along with it because he doesn’t know how to break up with M-E without hurting her feelings, but has no interest in her neediness. Whilst at a party with the gang they play truth or dare, Patrick on Charlies turn dares him to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, and everyone assumes he’d go for Mary Elizabeth but he jumps out at Sam. The pair is angry with what he did and Patrick tells him to give it time before approaching the group again.

 

(Charlie kisses Sam in the Dare)

Being back to being alone again, Charlie starts to isolate himself and the memories of Aunt Helen worsen. After meeting with Bob, Charlie finds out that Brads father found out about Brad and Patrick's relationship. He tries to talk to Patrick only for him to tell him to leave him alone for the moment. Brad is seen with a massive bruise on his face and tells people a wrong tale as to why he got the mark. Patrick walks by Brads table at lunch and he calls him a faggot – then the pair end up fighting on the cafeteria floor. Charlie intervenes and tells them to back off his friends.

Patrick is heartbroken that he and Brad had to end their relationship and ends up getting closer to Charlie. After they've been spending a lot of time together Patrick one night tries to kiss Charlie. With no reaction Patrick bursts into tears and apologises. Sam ends her relationship with Craig as she finds out he cheated on her 3 times.

Sam gets through to Graduation and is off to Penn State. After her leaving party, Charlie helps Sam pack her items up. Wondering why he never asked her out as she’s liked him, and talked of Craig and the relationship there she asked why does she always fall for people that aren’t good for her and Charlie replies “We accept the love we think we deserve”, after some more confessions the pair end up kissing and is stopped when she rubs the inner thigh, but resumes after he mentioned that it wasn’t anything that made him stop.

The next day he watches Sam leave for college and is feeling upset. Going home he receives more flashbacks of his repressed memories of Aunt Helen who used to abuse him as a young boy and ends up calling Cadence saying it was his fault she’s dead. Getting the police to the house so that Charlie couldn’t harm himself, before he could they got to him and he blacked out.

We then see him in a hospital confused as to why he’s there. The Doctor tells his parents of the damage that his Aunt did and that the reasons for his breakdowns were because of repressed memories. On being discharged Sam and Patrick meet with Charlie and go to a restaurant. On leaving Sam says she found out the name of the song that was playing when they first went through the tunnel together. Charlie gets in the back of the truck this time and screams on his way out of the tunnel.

I adored this film and like I said at the start I was hooked from the moment I turned it on to the moment the credits rolled. I’m glad it was a long film as I don’t think I would’ve been satisfied with it only being an hour long. The plot had plenty of room to develop and it did develop in an even pace which was perfect for this genre. There were no moments that I felt it was rushed – I got everything I wanted from the storyline.

I really liked Charlie’s character and loved the way he was portrayed as shy and nervous, it brought real depth to the film and the character. It also was lovely to see him grow more confident throughout the film. It was his story and it was well documented – I want to read the book now.

The whole crew was fantastic, it was especially nice to see not all well recognised cast members as it allowed there to be interest in how the character shall be played. I have to say it’s now one of my favourite films and shall enjoy watching once again someday!

I have given it a 5/5 because I felt it was very mysterious and gripping film, it was very interesting all round, there was never a moment where I felt like I was loosing interest or wondering what was going on – fabulous film!

I wanted the world to swallow me up! by Imogene

On Saturdays I usually go food shopping with my parents, and whilst it's not the most entertaining of chores to do - it does get you out the house for a while!
Now I normally feel very confident in myself especially when it comes to my hearing; I know this does sound  odd for a Deaf person to state this. But I've always grown up in a very busy household, having 2 brothers and 2 sisters; it's quite safe to say there was never any lack of noise, squabbles and conversations. I loved my house and being in that environment! I also was always very close to my siblings growing up, so i'm sure this helped loads. I think growing up like that did help me overcome my issues with being Deaf as I learnt to laugh about any misunderstandings during any communications with any family members, also this is where I learnt my lip reading (It was a skill you needed). I was never given any special measures as a child, it was never a 'slow down and make Immy understand you' situation, and whilst many may read that and think 'Oh poor you' it never was like that, I went with it, if I missed something, I missed it, unless I chirped up and asked again, or I looked utterly confused and my parents would help me. It made me confident to be able to speak up and ask for help with anything that I needed, because simply there was too many of us to have one-to-one. Of course we did have some of them moments where mum would go through vocabulary and dad would help me get my point across through typing and explaining things in simpler terms and to be honest helped me very much when it was needed. I also gradually got this skill to be able to talk and have conversations with people through the next room (obviously voicing was quite loud) and where I can have my back to someone whilst doing something else - however to be able to do that it does have to be a voice I'm very comfortable with and is very familiar.
So as you can picture it, I'm with my shopping list going through Morrisons collecting everything on my list and any other useful items I happen to see that's on offer, loading them into my trolley. I tend to block the world out when I'm concentrating, but it's never a problem, no-one really speaks to you when you're shopping, do they?
I get to the tills and load up my shopping on the belt and rush to the front to start packing. As I go every week, there is normally the same people working on the tills. I have someone I recognize and start talking in polite conversation - I'm not the fastest packer, especially when i'm alone with a weeks worth of shopping, but I manage to pick up a fast pace. An Elderly couple start unloading their shopping onto the end of the belt whilst mine is coming down, I look up and smile at them whilst packing. I have to pay so I end up getting a little backlogged with a few items, entering my pin whilst trying to pack the final items. The couple had finished their bit and were then waiting for me to pull away until the woman mutters something completely incoherent to me and it stuns me, because normally I can pick a word up, but I didn't, so I say pardon and try again, nothing. Oops, this is getting a little embarrassing as I can't understand one word. I ask again, now attempting to purely lip-read her, but her lips are too close together so I couldn't attempt that, I then say "Sorry I'm Deaf" and she tries once more, which made the whole situation so awkward as I still didn't get her. I just didn't know what to do with myself as I tried so hard to understand her and failed like 4 times now so I just smile and look so confused (I'm guessing) because the checkout lady raised her voice and said 'Pink Drink' which made people from the surrounding tills look my way - as you would! I explained it was some version of squash my son likes and in a flash picked up the last few items and put them in the trolley.
And I have to say I never have felt so isolated in my whole life as I did in that moment. I think it was the shock that I couldn't actually pick anything up, it was almost like all the confidence I had in myself and my hearing, plummeted down to 0%. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry. Yes, I understand that sounds very dramatic, but I couldn't see a way of trying to laugh this one off.
I also have to confess that I haven't actually told anyone about this, so writing this is the first time I've shared this particular scary experience. Having gone through this experience it does make me appreciate how well I do cope on a day-to-day basis, and that I do sympathise massively with anyone that have this experience on a frequent basis. Normally I would pick something up and somehow would manage to make sense of it in my head or I'd get it by the 3rd time at a very push, but I never want to have that ever again. I quite literally wanted to be invisible at that moment. The only thing that made it worst was as I stepped away was hearing the checkout lady say "Oh don't worry, it wasn't you, she has them things in her ears.."

It's always the big things that makes the little things difficult. by Imogene.

Hi Everyone!
Sorry for the lack of posting - it's been a while, but I promise I personally have a couple of posts to provide you with this week.

So, I have been getting bugged to get a new phone for ages now, simply because mine is a newer version of a brick phone (it honestly might as well) but I always pride myself with saying "I don't need a new one.. It provides everything I need, to ring people and text" however, I realise I sound like a Granny rather than a 22 year old - I should have a hi-tech phone really.. and I probably do need to stay in touch with the online world more, rather than casually getting the laptop out, if and when I fancy it! So I went browsing for a new mobile. It's so much fun, looking at all the ones you can get - but at the same time not understanding a word of what it's going on about! So, being me, I pick the one I like the look of :-P
A Nokia Lumia! I have always liked the look of these on the adverts, I only want a small contract so I find one suitable - it won't cost no more than my usual pay as you go, so it's worth a try. I order my plan online and get excited to see it arrive.
The next morning I get a phonecall from the phone company and narrowly missed it! (I actually ran down the stairs!) So, I rang back to be answered by a deep voiced man with a heavy accent - I can't actually tell you what one because I found it so difficult to even hear him let alone pick that up too! So as a typical deaf person I say "erm.. sorry?" "pardon?... sorry can you say that again?" "I'm sorry but I can't understand you.." and various other statements which i'm sure we've all used or imagine you would!
Unfortunately my husband had gone to work and wouldn't be back for another 8 hours.. and somehow I doubt that I'd be on the line THAT long, regardless of whether I can understand the man or not. But I genuinely really struggled, especially when he said that he needed me to give an answer to the question! I wasn't aware that I was answering questions!? So I asked him to start again and spell out the answers that I had to pick from the list.. but I had no success because I couldn't even understand the question! He repeated it again and I heard the word catalogue and 2012.. but I simply couldn't answer it.
Therefore because I answered it "wrong" even though I couldn't actually understand it.. he cancelled my application. I was so gutted, especially after when I realised that I could've asked for another person to take the call. It was just so frustrating because I kept thinking "UGH!" simply because on the phone, I'm normally quite good and understand the person very well!
I do find it being an added stress being on the phone to unclear voices - Is it only deaf people that struggle with accents on phones?
So I reapplied for the phone in my husband's name, simply because I felt stupid if I was to reapply in my name again and get rejected again.. and that if they ring again he would have to answer it and answer the questions! Basically it was for my benefit that I didn't get embarrassed again by the same company.
Now I laugh about it because it seems funny that I was like WHAT? but I know it was horrible and I don't want to be in that position again.. I now have my phone and it's all sorted!

Has anyone else had any frustrating experience on the phone? Anyone else have troubles understanding what gets said on the phone? Any tips to share on managing phone calls? All comments welcome!

Not knowing - Eleanor

 I went to see The Script at the o2 this weekend just gone and it was amazing. I've always liked The Script, even though I've not heard much of their latest album (well I've had it playing several times in my car but I can only learn the words by reading them from somewhere, I can't literally listen to a song once and know the lyrics instantly).

 I find gigs a mixed ball of emotions. On one hand I love going to them because its all about the atmosphere, tons of people crammed into a room and blasted with music from their favourite bands. On the other hand, the minute it starts I remember just how deaf I am.

Picture the scene, you've spent most the day waiting and preparing for the gig, packing, travelling, finding the hotel, working your way around the tube station and finally you're sat at THE o2 with the hundred other fans filling out the room, making excited noises. You wait, with anticipation for the band to finally come on, the endless songs playing over the tannoy just can't seem to satisfy you any longer, the lights go dark and the show begins.
You can see the pre-show introduction on the massive screen and the constant interchanging lights of the stage fill the room, the audience suddenly silent eager to see the first glimpse of the band and listening intensely... you prick your ears and engage your eyes ready to concentrate... but its all muffed, mumbled and confusing.

You wait, for what seems minutes but is only seconds for the introductions, hoping its just a minor blip and it will all become clear. Or maybe your eyes will suddenly show subtitles, interpreting every move so you don't have to work quite so hard.

You find some consolation when the band members start to appear on stage, you remember that's why you're there and right infront of your very own eyes they are performing this magical combination of instruments and voices to create a masterpiece. They begin to play your favourite song and you can just about sing all the lyrics to it. Your heart flutters, its all worth it.
 Because they've played your favourites you forget the bad moments, the bits where you couldn't even tell the noises of the guitars from the drums to the bass or even the singer. The songs you've not learnt the lyrics too yet everybody else in the room is singing along or so it seems.
 You forget about the bits inbetween songs when the band members talk to the audience but you don't know what they're saying. The awkward pestering your friend to find out what they've said and being 10 seconds behind everyone else. This is the band you've travelled all day to see, to hear, to love. And you miss out.

 The hardest part is the first few seconds when reality hits in, that life doesn't have subtitles that you can turn on and off when you need them, that even when you're trying your absolute hardest, you still can't interpret what is being said. The worse part of it all, is knowing that you've missed it.

 Sometimes, not knowing that you've missed it, would almost be easier.