Why I am not designed for the Pub Quiz

So, the time has come for another deaf-related moan.

 I've never liked doing a Pub Quiz, ever. Every little part of my body grimaces at the thought. Those horrible words 'Do you want to do the pub quiz with us?' which when answered with a resounding NO, turns into 'but we need you' and 'we promise to help interpret the questions for you'.

 Let me just get one thing clear. Even with 'help' there is a hundred billion other places in the world that I would rather be. Can you imagine, sitting in a pub with your friends/family crowded around a piece of paper, a voice muttering something over the sounds of the TV, excited chattering and muttering from the other tables and clinking glasses (not that I hear these sounds but I'm sure sub-consciously its all there). OK so I've managed to make it sound like great fun, add some alcohol in and yes you're in for a good night. So what's my problem?


My problem is, I can't hear. I can't hear the voice muttering the questions no matter how loudly or slowly they repeat the questions. Unless he is physically in front of me I cannot hear.
 Once the question has been asked, everyone goes into 'thinking mode'. Even my designated interpreter (who lipspeaks the question). It is then impossible for them to give you the question with a decent amount of personal thinking time before the next question. It is impossible to get the interpreted question clear enough because moving your lips without speaking is the hardest thing to do without any idea of context. The question could be about Chile, or how many races a horse does before retiring, or what do these colours mean when all together? The point is, how am I supposed to work it out from lots of very similar lip-patterns? You could be saying turtles and I interpret daughter. You could be saying drink and I think read.


 So when the question has finally been relayed to me, bearing in mind all the effort that it took just to get a single question - I don't even know the answer! It's like running a marathon but you packed the wrong shoes, but you run anyway, and you run and run but you just can't get to the finish line because you've no energy left and you're wearing the wrong shoes, so heavy, so unfulfilled.


 That's not the end though. You've now got to lipread or somehow interpret what everyone is muttering to each other, 'it could be ....' or 'it could be...' and the annoying 'what do you think?'. Yeah, I have no opinion. I don't know what the heck the question was, or what you think the answer might be because everyones mumbling. OK so you don't want the couple on the next table to overhear but what about the people on your table?


 Don't get me started on the 'come on! think!' comment.


 So forgive me if I seem boring for not even turning up. I know there are things in this world that you don't like doing but you have to do them. But somehow I don't think a pub quiz is one of those and I will never feel as if I'm missing out by not doing them.