Compromising the Fantasy by Eleanor

 So, I really wanted to clarify something before I start this blog (I know, I've already started it, so what exactly am I on about?) that although I can complain and moan and scream the walls down about how difficult it is being deaf, that I'm actually proud to be who I am.
I know I've not really got much choice, but I am so lucky to be someone who is automatically accepted in both the hearing world and the deaf world because of the machines in my ears. It can be really isolating at times, but life is what you make of it, and I can most be selective with the information I chose to gain. Other bits of information take alot more attention and effort to get it, but if I really wanted it, I'd just say 'What was that again?' several times. Not that I do, because its only acceptable to say it three, four times at the maximum and then nod your head like you TOTALLY understand.

 I went to the cinema on Saturday to see Frozen with subtitles. I went with the local deaf club and I felt so proud to sit there and watch the film with such clarity. So many times I've been to the cinema and plonked a fake smile on my face because everyone else is laughing and I don't want to stand out. This time, I was the one laughing at the cheesy jokes and poor slap-stick (this is in no way implying that this is a rubbish film, quite the opposite, I REALLY enjoyed it... watch it!!).
 I felt truly refreshed having sat next to a young girl who was signing to me throughout the film. I don't think she was deaf, I think she had a relation that was deaf and had learnt BSL that way. But she recognised that I could sign to her, that I could understand her and she loved the opportunity to use that, and I did too.
This is the children I want to bring into the world from my classroom. When I become a teacher (not IF) I will teach the children that we all have different support methods, but inside, we are all the same. I want to show the children the beauty of British Sign Language, not only to communicate with me, with deaf people, but to communicate with each other - it is a language that they can learn, enjoy and spread beyond the classroom. BSL is so visual, so clear, when I see people signing to me, its like a picture forms in my head and everything becomes transparent. Words can get jumbled and hurried and lose all meaning but BSL lingers.

 It's been a rough few weeks. I completed BSL Level 3 part 1 with a view to continue onto getting my NVQ Level 3 but have been told that I need to work on my BSL structure more before I could comfortably achieve this. I automatically took this as an insult, that I can't sign therefore don't fit in the deaf world, I can't communicate orally as well as hearing people, so I don't fit in there.
 But whats my real hurry? Why do I need to achieve it so badly that I'm trying to stress myself out by studying for my PGCE and BSL at the same time? Why don't I just enjoy the ride? I've got a lifetime to obtain a piece of paper, what really matters is what I do with the time now, and that means meeting more deaf people, building my confidence up and becoming an even stronger person.

 This isn't me giving up, this is me sitting in the backroom plotting my explosive return.

 P.S Make the date in your diary - 17th December at Majestic Cinema, Kings Lynn, the Hobbit 2 is subtitled at 19.30pm... be there!! :)

Super-bot hearing! by Imogene

Hey there guys! Been a while since I have posted anything. I've been a busy lady, I've recently found out that I'm pregnant with #2 and it's another little boy! Been a very exciting time for me, my family and friends so been enjoying the news together! (Also I'm a Celebrity had taken over my life for the last three weeks that I haven't been able to find time to get onto the laptop and update you all - sorry!)

I wanted to share the latest Deaf related news that I have and that is, that I have got new and improved Hearing Aids! I recently went to Audiology at the Hospital to get new tubes and the woman who fitted them had a moan at me as my Aids were too out of date and my moulds were old. Admittedly I haven't been to Audiology since I was 15 and was told I didn't need to come back unless I had a problem. Neither my moulds or my Hearing Aids have been of any trouble to me. I felt I needed to defend my Aids as they may be old but they have got me this far and I've not done too bad with them! However this one time I was at the Hospital for another appointment so thought I would get tubes redone whilst waiting.
I got a appointment to go back and have a hearing test as the last one was a long time ago (7 years), plus it's always interesting to see how it's all doing. I've never noticed any difference in my hearing at all over the years and it was confirmed in the test - they're exactly the same. I was very pleased, simply because no Deaf person wants to hear their hearing is getting worse! I got some moulds done and was told that I would be sent another appointment to collect them and get some new Aids.
Went back again.. and was told that I need to be updated regardless whether my hearing aids are OK or not, as if they were to break, they wouldn't be able to replace or mend them (personally, I wouldn't have minded until they broke to get some news ones really..) but I took advantage of the offer and admittedly my moulds felt more snug than the old ones, so I did need some really! Then it was time to check out the new Hearing Aids. It was quite a novelty trying out some different and more technology-evolved than my current ones at the time.. I guess I had got so used to having my old hearing aids, that the moulds and Aids were what I needed and used, but at the same time it was naive of me to think that I was the best I can be with hearing aids from 7 years ago! The ones I received last time were the best at the time and was told I was among the first handful to start wearing them all them years ago - but times change!
The new ones unlike the old ones were plugged into the computer and altered according to how I needed them to be. I was also told that were different settings that I could have onto my hearing aids and there were a choice of up to 5! (I orginially thought 'How many do you need!?' But she did go on to explain.) My old ones had only two, background noise and T-Loop, but I decided to keep both of them onto my new ones and include a TV setting, which by the way is by far my favourite one! They tune into the TV and dim down any noises that are in the room, including people talking (haha!) but also makes the voices on the screen clearer and generally more focused which is perfect for me! The only downside to that option is if there is another device such as a laptop playing a video for example, the hearing aids try and mingle the two. Which isn't ideal when you're trying to watch something!
I also have a everyday use option which is what my hearing aid is automatically tuned into as soon as they are switched on. I've found since being home that the everyday use one is really echo-y and its really frustrating when I'm listening to people as their words aren't clearly said, so I'm hoping to get that readjusted. It seemed fine at the appointment but since I got home I've not found it the ideal one. (probably down to the fault of having soundproof rooms!) My noisy background one makes everything quiet apart from the voice or what you're listening out to, but I still find the appointed sound too quiet so I mostly use the TV setting at the moment as it seems to be a mixture of all the three setting together!
I sound like I'm moaning but I'm not really, I love them compared to my old ones, what I do hear is amplified and clearer which is every deaf person dream! I have also been hearing noises that I haven't either A - noticed or B - heard before like keys jangling in my hand or the noises my son ask 'what's that?' and being able to say what it is without feeling a incompetent mother and also I can hear the radio on the volume of 6 in the back of the car.. All in all, I'm feeling like a super-bot with amazing hearing at the moment! It's open my eyes to realise that Hearing Aids are going to be improving just as much as mobile phones and 3D TVs etc - shows how important it is to go regularly to improve the vital things that are needed on a daily basis!

Subtitling Kings Lynn

 On the 11th January 2013 I wrote a post about Kings Lynn finally getting a subtitled cinema.
 
 It is today, the 25th November 2013 that Majestic cinema have again promised me a subtitled screening. Only this time, it has actually got further than an email, further than Facebook.
 A date, or even two dates have been arranged.

 On the 7th December 2013 there will be a subtitled screening of 'Frozen' at Majestic cinema.
  On the 17th December 2013 there will be a subtitled screening of 'The Hobbit' at 19:15pm.

 Please, please support Majestic and subtitled cinemas and take advantage of them whilst you can, if we don't, they will stop showing them!

 Cannot wait to see The Hobbit and will update you all :)

Continuing the dream.. by Eleanor

So I'm around 2 months into my PGCE training course. And what a 2 months its been.

The first three weeks were spent at UEA Monday-Friday 9-5 with 3 hour seminars, 2 hour lectures and only 1 hour lunches. It was exhausting. The support I have at the university is my note-taker and the use of my radio aid.
 I've learnt to love my radio aid - it really does help make the lecturer loud and clear and for the first time ever in my life there has been times when I can actually break eye contact with someone and still hear what they're saying even though they are miles away in the front of the lecture theatre. I don't do it too often though - it doesn't take too long before I've lost track of the context and start drifting into a fantasy land with rainbows and bubbles and pretty pink ribbons. Not because you're bored of course, but the learning environment is tough with bouts of 3 hour seminars to try and absorb info... It tends to make you sleepy...

 I do still struggle, some seminars are more about group conversations and I gave up with those a long time ago. You're put in 'small' groups around 25-30 people (somedays you're mixed up so its more like 55-60) and questions are opened to the class. Yeah, because thats exactly what deaf people like to do, constantly straining their neck round to possibly catch a glimpse of whoever it is thats talking and try to lip-read them. Thats if, of course, you can work out who is talking, and theres no awkwardly positioned head right in your way. I especially love it when everyone starts laughing and you're just sat there thinking of the multiple things you could be doing instead of this, compiling mental lists in your head of things to do when you get home and getting increasingly frustrated and stressed that you're still missing out. And you most definitely do not want to be that 'deaf girl' who needs everything repeating.
 The first time I had a science lesson it was brilliant. People stood up and faced me when they had something to say. I caught every word and yeah it was embarrassing for a while but I felt included. It didn't take long for that to stop, people forgot and carry on with their lives as hearing people. I get it, its not like I walk around with a big advertising board saying 'deaf person walking here', and people start to think 'oh she looked at me then so she must have heard me' - most the time I'm just looking because I'm thinking 'shes got a nice top on today' or some other random thought that goes through my head because I've completely lost track of whats going on.

 P.S. I love it when people say 'I just forget you're deaf' and I've mastered my response - 'Yeah, me too, I'm always forgetting that..' - its totally a joke people, don't be offended. People say they can't laugh at things like that.. I made a joke about not being able to sing because I'm literally tone deaf.. one of my friends made a complete pained-face, unsure whether he was allowed to laugh.. please, laugh! One of lifes pleasures, being able to make jokes out of a bad situation (in good taste of course!!) - watch 'See no evil, hear no evil' and roll about with laughter like I did :)

 I started school placements a few weeks ago and the school is absolutely brilliant, lovely school - I really enjoy being there. The problem lies with me. I can't always hear the children and they're the ones I really want to hear. I get so wrapped up in my own little world of 'must be able to hear everything - its all important' and when I can't do that and I especially see hearing people taking it for granted it burns up rage in my chest.
I love teaching and I love being in front of the class but I feel inadequate at the moment because I can't hear their responses back. My teaching partner sometimes translates for me by wearing the radio aid and repeating back what they've said which is brilliant but its not her job to do that - she should never feel responsible for my hearing - she is a student aswell and deserves to be able to clock off and observe someone else working rather than having to support.

 The solution is to have a communicator, someone to be my ears for me. If I had that missing piece I would be much more confident in the classroom. The children themselves in the classroom are starting to get used to me and my needs and because I'm getting used to their voices I can sometimes pick up what they're saying without support. This is a skill I'm hoping will develop over the next few months.

I know I want to be a teacher of the deaf in the future and this is the start of the road. This year is my training year and this is the time to find out what I need in the classroom to be the best I can be. My real problem is that I'm so impatient and want everything now.
I want to be the best I can be right now.

To all readers.. this blog-post is a reflection of my feelings and my opinions at this time. In no way is it a reflection on other people. I do not expect complete deaf awareness and equal access on a plate because it is a hidden disability, and I do often wear my hair down for that very reason. The words I write come from my heart in an attempt to help both deaf and hearing people exactly what it is like in my little world (a very, very, very, very tiny part of the world as we know it). Things can be exaggerated in my world because it is mine, and it is what I live in daily, and it can be hard to find the words to fit exactly into my feelings.. I will always try to be honest and that may become misinterpreted along the way.. this is never intentional, I have nothing but respect for the people I am surrounded by and I hope that our learning journey about each other continues.

P.S. I miss you dad x

Part 1: Learning to Drive as a Deaf Person by Imogene

Hey, so I've started to learn to drive. Simply because we need transport as a family, we need to be more independant (rather than relying on parents/grandparents to give us lifts to places) and well it'd improve on our family life in general.
Being a mum i'm constantly worrying about money and whilst driving is an additional strain to the family finances, it'll be worth it in the end as my Grandad has offered to give us his car so that we don't have to worry about financing that - and looking at the insurance, it seems annually it's not a bad deal either, so that helps tremendously. Also, we'll have that much needed transport!

I've booked up with RED driving school and went for my first 2 hour assessment lesson and is said to probably need around 40 hours - apparently it's the average for most learners with no experience. I managed to speak to my instructor on the phone and I did explain to him that I was deaf, because I always find it's polite to explain it and also means that he understands if I don't hear him, why I didn't. He seemed really understanding of the matter and said to tell him if there's anything I didn't get and that he'll help in the best way he can. I really enjoyed it after feeling sick with nerves, but once I got in the car it seems it went away (I guess the unknown is super scary!) and my instructor seemed really nice! Chatty, has a clear voice (definitely needed!) and explains things in a way that's easy for you to take in. All of them qualities are really good for being deaf, and actually they were the things I worried about most! I got in the car and adjusted A LOT of the settings, as my instructor is a broad rugby player standing at 6ft 4.. so yeah, adjustments needed! He told me about where everything was and what I need to do to move off. I never realised as a passenger how much work is actually involved in driving, how much you need to be aware and what you need to think about - I guess most of this is due to what's happening with your feet. Your feet does most of the leg work (no pun intended!). And you don't as a passenger see what the driver is doing with their feet!
I stalled as soon as I set off and as a beginner you're constantly like "what did I do? I did what you said!" but slowly through the lesson you start to realise what you did that made such a such happen. My problem mostly was letting go of the clutch too early! (The worlds most sensitive thing going, eh?) but my REAL problem was hearing the biting point.. for the life of me I just couldn't get it. My instructor told me to listen and "feel" when it's right to go, but I felt like it was impossible to do. I still need to work on it but, I'd like to think I'll get better and at least feel what I need to, to go. I found it terribly frustrating - it was one of the moments where I genuinely hated being deaf! Why can't I just hear it like everyone else, because it'd make things a lot easier - there again, when was anything easy in life? I just thought to myself that there's no point in thinking and feeling that way, and that I should just improve what I can hear and feel and well, hope that I get better at it. I know it's only my first lesson, I have plenty of time to learn and get it before my test! I have to stick with the positives.
I found the best way to interact with my instructor was to talk through my actions. It gave me the reassurance that I knew what I was doing and if I hadn't done something right he could jump in and correct me - I found it the best way to progress through the lesson, meaning I understood what I was doing and like he told me "driving is a routine".

I shall post regularly about my lessons and hopefully i'll get a hold of that biting point! Feel free to share any of your learning to drive stories and the ways you have found that makes your driving experience easier as a deaf/hearing person. Any tips or suggestions are massively welcome :)

Bedtime Fears as a Deaf Mother by Imogene

Hello everyone,
Once again I'll apologise for the lack of posting, been awfully busy with my little family that I haven't managed to get round to sharing a couple of stories that I have been wanting to!

My husband is a Chef at a local hotel and he very often works the worst hours for a family, and whilst it's like that we're lucky he gets 2 days off a week (sometimes only 1 during busy weeks) but,  he actually has a job! 
One day he comes home and announces he's going to have to stay at work the following night as he can't get into work as it's an early start, so he's going to have to stay in one of the hotel rooms. As he's unable to get a lift in as he's covering for someone who's on holiday, and we have no transport (something we're working on) there was little choice in anything else. When he mentioned it I was fine with the idea, I mean he's had nights alone with our son whilst I've been away with the girls, so really it probably was about time I had a night alone in the bed (plus I could spread out, what more could I really ask for?). I did what I do every night of the week, put my son to bed, do the last few house chores and then relax in front of the soaps for the evening. 
It was only when it reached 11pm that I started feeling sad, because I always know he'll be home about now, no matter how many hours he's done in the day. I wanted him to come in the house, talk too loud, (as they have to talk loud in the kitchen over the fans - so he says!) get a drink and then moan about what time he's starting the next day and then we'd go upstairs, check on Freddie and then go to bed, turning the lights off as we go through. But that night, I was alone, going through the routine. The bed was cold (Men have a way of warming the bed for you even if they're in their half and only in the bed 30 seconds before you climb in) and the bedroom seemed too dark. I moved our son's baby monitor to my bedside, in case he woke up it'll wake me more than the usual place of across the room - I never have a problem with the night calls as Freddie rarely wakes and as Chris is such a light sleeper he normally gets up. But tonight it was all me, I take my hearing aids out and it feels weird being in the bed, because everything was odd. Nothing felt right. I felt really nervous to be left in the house on my own overnight.
It seems silly really because we come from a good area and we know one of the neighbours really well, but I felt so unsettled. I know part of it was because Chris wasn't there, but also because I was in complete silence. I was alone, I felt alone in the house, even though Freddie was next door, I was worried and my fears began to ran through my mind. I worried that Freddie would wake up, cry and cry, but I didn't wake up. I worried that if there happens to be a burglar, I would be completely useless as I wouldn't hear them break in. What if they were kidnappers and took Freddie when he was asleep and I never heard them get in the house, nor past our room into ours? What if. That's what kept me up thinking of all the things, that I couldn't hear or do if anything was to happen. I've never realised how vulnerable I am when I have no hearing aids in - anything could literally happen, if I didn't see, feel or hear it, I'm actually no good. I wouldn't be able to be the mother that my son needed in them few minutes, because I couldn't hear him..
So I ended up putting my hearing aids in and laying there all night awake, twitching at every noise. (As weird as it is to have them out, I do enjoy the silence during the night, but having the hearing aids in was strange as I could hear the boiler, the dog bark outside, the few cars that actually go past at 3am, everything.) I actually couldn't sleep - I'm sure I fell asleep eventually but it didn't feel like it. The night seemed to go on forever, I kept looking at the clock. I felt exhausted, but I just couldn't relax. What if. 

My son never woke up at all, and we never got burgled, nor had any kidnappers in the house. Everything was a perfectly normal night apart from the lack of my Zzz's and Husband in the house.
One thing that did make me smile was that Chris text me the next morning saying 'Crap nights sleep :( It's not the same without you. X' Seems we both had a rubbish night, so I've told him he's not allowed to work that shift unless he can get a lift in! I guess we get used to the way in which we live!

LoveFilm vs Netflix (the subtitled problem)

 So, I joined Lovefilm around 2 years ago when I won a McDonalds Monopoly sticker 'one month's free trial and two free cinema tickets when you sign up with lovefilm'. Who am I to say no to that?

 For the last two years I've paid £4.89 a month for two discs (one at a time). It has no roll-over so if you're late sending one back thats it, next month starts. For £5.99 you can have unlimited access to Lovefilm streaming and for at least £7.99 you can have both unlimited access and a disc.
 Not all of lovefilm films are available on streaming, and more importantly THERE ARE NO SUBTITLES WHATSOEVER available on streaming. I have flagged this up and there are NO FUTURE PLANS for subtitles either!

 I started looking into Netflix a few months ago when I've had so many people commenting on how good it is. It's amazing. There is so much choice available, you can watch it right there and then for a flat-price of £5.99 - how awesome is that?! The best bit is that all the films I've tried to watch so far HAVE SUBTITLES!

 Ok, so it sounds like I've already made my mind up about the best of the bunch. But, its not that simple. Ok, so netflix is all amazing, so much choice, so much SUBTITLED choice... but its not so updated as lovefilm. Put it this way, Hunger Games only started appearing on netflix a week or so ago when its been out since 3rd September 2012 - I should know as I was lucky enough to get it from lovefilm a few weeks after release (I'd waited and waited to see it subtitled at a cinema but sadly couldn't work the times around work and travel) which was completely and utterly amazeballs.

 So, the choice is, to have unlimited choice that won't be quite so recent at a really good price (netflix), or, pay the same to have just 3 discs a month from lovefilm but with more chance of them being more recent releases.

 I have decided to go with netflix for now and hope that subtitled screenings at cinemas will become more accessible (this is yet another story, we are STILL waiting on Majestic Cinema in Kings Lynn to open their doors for the deaf) to fufill my needs and I can be the first of my friends to talk about that awesome new release (looking forward to the next Hobbit film and Hunger Games people!!) whilst enjoying some of the older and vast collection of films that netflix has to offer. :)

Being a Volunteer for the NDCS: Eleanor

I’ve been a volunteer at the NDCS for a while now. Many people ask me, ‘how long have you been a volunteer for now?’ and I honestly couldn’t tell you – time just seems to slip away from me these days. Sometimes when I’m asked how old I am I find myself surprised and confused to hear myself say 23 years old. Yes I know, I’m still young but I’m not naïve, I know I won’t be young forever!

Every summer for the past 3-5 years (I’m just guessing here) I’ve signed up for a residential week with the NDCS. I’ve had some amazing times. My first ever residential I did was in Buxton and it literally changed my life. I got to try the scariest things, I got to work with the nicest people and honestly the most amazing team leader (Tracey – if you’re reading this, come back soon!).

 Best of all, I met and supported the most awe-inspiring young children. I am always taken aback by the younger generation, their determination and strength to do anything. Some of them were able to abseil off this pretty scary looking, at least 100000 metres high arched bridge, without even batting an eyelash. Me, on the other hand, being terrified of heights wanted to do more than just bat an eyelash.. I wanted to run!
You learn that even though these are the children that you’re here for, to look after, that in times of dire and near death experiences, they’re the ones that support (although sometimes it feels like ambushing) you. Of course they would expect me to go down the bridge, of course I’d get asked to go with the one girl who was probably equally as terrified as me, of course it would be the one girl that screamed in my ear the whole way down (and yes I am deaf but I could hear that!!).

I’ll admit when I first became a volunteer I had very limited knowledge of BSL and I often felt like I was missing out. It was somehow ironic to me, that having felt like I’ve been missing out constantly in life, searching for some kind of meaning to fill the void and jumping on the NDCS bandwagon – a charity designed for deaf children to promote equal access, communication and generally making you feel like somebody – that I still couldn’t find that missing jigsaw piece.
I was lucky the first year because I had such a supportive residential group, we had communicators here there and everywhere and luckily most of the group I supported were oral, children that had grown up just like me, not taught BSL but encouraged to talk, to attend mainstream school and take any support available. Often, the children would talk to me about their life experiences and I could completely relate. I hope they took that on board - that they’re not alone and they can, one day, switch roles and become the adult volunteer on the event saying the exact same words I did.

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This year I went to Litchfield for another jam-packed adventure week. Armed with more BSL knowledge than I’ve ever had before (just completed Level 3 part 1 with a view to achieve NVQ Level 3 by next July), more confidence and assurance having worked with children for the past two years.
 I absolutely loved it.

The first part is always the hardest, but this year it was harder for me. Just a few weeks prior to attending Lichfield my dad had passed away. Although I had already done most my grieving it was the first time I’d been away from home, from my family since his death and it was a shock.
 I still remember when he drove me to Peterborough train station before my very first NDCS residential, he could see I was nervous and put ‘Nothing in the Whole Wide World’ by Jakob Dylan on in the car. It fixed everything bubbling away inside of me, all the nerves and anticipation, all of it instantly. However during this particular train journey I’d forgotten my headphones and I still regret that now. I played the tune over and over in my head (but you know it’s not the same).

Meeting new volunteers soon perked me up and made me feel welcome. There were so many lovely volunteers that I hadn’t met before at Lichfield and I soon felt at home. When the children arrived it was manic, 36 children to supervise! We all settled into the week routine rather quickly. I had 12 children in my particular group and we also had the lovely Wish who was a communicator. Together we made THE best group.

During the week I was ambushed (sorry, should that be supported..) into doing the high zipwire after promising a young boy who was terrified that I’d do it if he did. Of course he would do it (and loved it!). There’s nothing like being between a rock and a hard place and I was well and truly.
Imagine being connected up to a harness, less than 50 centimetres from the edge overlooking the ground from the great height, volunteers on the ground waving and putting their thumb up in the air as if to say ‘you can do it!’. If you’re thinking I could have still backed out you’d be wrong. Behind me, was THE best group chanting ‘L, L, L, L, L, L’ which after a while changed into ‘upside down, upside down’ – they were now not just wanting me to push myself off this dangerously terrifying height which I still believe I was at potential risk of dying from, but they were expecting me to do it upside down!
 At least 5-10 minutes must have passed by and I still hadn’t moved. I even asked the instructor if she could push me off, but she said she wasn’t allowed too, health and safety. She could however pull the rope so I felt it tightening and feel more inclined to jump off. I agreed, it was the only way I was going anywhere. And yeah, it was nice. But I wouldn’t do it again – at least not until another NDCS residential.

Residentials are hard work. They are long days, as you’re expected to wake the children up (and be ready yourself before then), support them throughout the day, even when their energy continues at 100% right the way till bedtime. Then, at bedtime, they need to be going to sleep. The amount of silly little things that crop up at 10.30pm, from nightlights to noise – the child that seems to get out of bed to complain countless times. All before you can have the team meeting to discuss your day and then at last you can crawl into bed. And I love every minute.

One thing I really, really liked about this NDCS event was that wherever you were, if you were talking to someone and you didn’t quite hear them there would always be a communicator conveniently nearby who would randomly start interpreting them for you. I didn’t realise how much I appreciated that until I got home, sat down with my family and remembered how much concentration it takes to listen, to block out the loud TV blaring away and piece together the conversation topic first before anything else.

At the end of the residential, my team leader asked to chat with me. Initially I didn’t want to; usually chatting with me indicates I’m in trouble, that I’ve done something wrong somewhere down the line. But I bit the bullet and went for it. He had nothing but positive words for me, how I’d matured as a volunteer etc. Honestly, I felt like crying because I’d worked so hard, that I’d still had thoughts every morning when I woke up that I wanted to go home, that my family needed me, that I wanted to sit in a quiet room and listen to Jakob Dylan on loop.
I stayed because that’s what I do, I love NDCS residentials, I love getting to know the children, we had such shy withdrawn children who by the time they’d left had grown into chatty, confident young people. And in a weird kind of way (but don’t ever tell the children this…) I kind of like being forced into doing new scary things – it makes me feel alive. :)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Film Review by Imogene

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Directed: Stephan Chbosky

Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma, Watson, Paul Rudd, Johnny Simmons, Ezra Miller, Dylan McDermott, Kate Walsh, Nina Dobrev

Genre: Drama, Romance

Stars: 5/5

(Contains Spoilers)

I have to say for this actual film, I was never particularly bothered about seeing it upon its release, but after hearing it’s “film of the year” for 2012 and was highly rated by many sites and reviews – I decided to add it to my LoveFilm list. When it came through the post I was eager to watch it, to simply understand the hype for it. I have to say I was not at all disappointed. From the moment it started, till it finished, I was hooked!

The film starts with showing us Charlie (Logan Lerman) at a desk in his room on the eve of attending high school. He’s writing a letter to an unknown pen pal sharing his worries for the days and term ahead. Feeling like he’s not going to make friends, he just attends lessons and keeps his head down for the best part. He befriends his teacher Mr. Anderson (Paul Rudd) who picks up on his great abilities on English Language and starts giving him added assignments.

Charlie attends a school football game alone one evening and sits near the flamboyant Patrick (Ezra Miller). As they start to enjoy the game Sam (Emma Watson) joins with them and at that moment Charlie is hit by Sam’s beauty. He becomes acquainted to the pair and heads home in high spirits, only to arrive home to witness his sister Candance being attacked by her boyfriend. Charlie is nerved by this as his Aunt got abused by her partners before she died so he goes to help her only for her to swear him to secrecy from their parents.

At a homecoming party Charlie is stood alone around the edge of the hall, seeing his sister with her boyfriend he goes joins Patrick and Sam. After the homecoming he goes with them to a house party, there he meets Mary Elizabeth, Alice and Bob. He also gets to meet Sam’s boyfriend Craig and is instantly jealous. Bob encourages Charlie to eat a pot brownie (which he had no idea was one) and as he gets high all the party members are amused by the stuff he says. Sam saves his from total embarrassment as he says he want a strawberry milkshake and takes him to the kitchen where he compliments her on her eyes and then tells her about the death of his best friend. He then leaves the kitchen to go upstairs to the toilet and accidentally walks in on Patrick with Brad (Johnny Simmons) kissing. Patrick is panicked as Brad doesn’t want their relationship to get out (as his father doesn’t approve) and makes him promise he’ll never repeat what he saw. He agrees not to say anything. Sam meanwhile is left shocked and goes speaks to Patrick saying she doesn’t think he has any friends – they both welcome him with open arms into the group.

 

(Sam through the Tunnel)

Whilst they both drive Charlie home, an unknown song comes up on the radio and tells Patrick to drive through the tunnel, where she gets in the back of the pick up truck and waves her arms around. Charlie again is completely stunned by her natural beauty.

Sam doesn’t do too well in tests so in the coming months up to Christmas, Charlie says he would help her revise. At Christmas all the friends participate in a “Secret Santa” gift exchange. On the last night of the exchange Sam takes Charlie up to her room to show him, her gift – A typewriter. Charlie is wowed by this present. They start talking about first kisses and she shared that her first kiss was by her father’s boss who molested her in her younger years. He tells Sam that he’s never kissed anyone before and she says she want his first kiss to be by someone who loves him and the pair end up kissing.

On Charlie’s birthday he has flashbacks of his Aunt Helen who died in a car accident that same night after getting him a present. At a new years party he takes a LSD and has many flashbacks of the things that happened surrounding Aunt Helen's death and their relationship together, he gets found passed out by the police.

After being dismissed he attended a party with the gang and had Mary Elizabeth as a partner to the dance, they end up going back to her house and making out – she then announces he’s her boyfriend now. Charlie doesn’t really like her like that and ends up going along with it because he doesn’t know how to break up with M-E without hurting her feelings, but has no interest in her neediness. Whilst at a party with the gang they play truth or dare, Patrick on Charlies turn dares him to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, and everyone assumes he’d go for Mary Elizabeth but he jumps out at Sam. The pair is angry with what he did and Patrick tells him to give it time before approaching the group again.

 

(Charlie kisses Sam in the Dare)

Being back to being alone again, Charlie starts to isolate himself and the memories of Aunt Helen worsen. After meeting with Bob, Charlie finds out that Brads father found out about Brad and Patrick's relationship. He tries to talk to Patrick only for him to tell him to leave him alone for the moment. Brad is seen with a massive bruise on his face and tells people a wrong tale as to why he got the mark. Patrick walks by Brads table at lunch and he calls him a faggot – then the pair end up fighting on the cafeteria floor. Charlie intervenes and tells them to back off his friends.

Patrick is heartbroken that he and Brad had to end their relationship and ends up getting closer to Charlie. After they've been spending a lot of time together Patrick one night tries to kiss Charlie. With no reaction Patrick bursts into tears and apologises. Sam ends her relationship with Craig as she finds out he cheated on her 3 times.

Sam gets through to Graduation and is off to Penn State. After her leaving party, Charlie helps Sam pack her items up. Wondering why he never asked her out as she’s liked him, and talked of Craig and the relationship there she asked why does she always fall for people that aren’t good for her and Charlie replies “We accept the love we think we deserve”, after some more confessions the pair end up kissing and is stopped when she rubs the inner thigh, but resumes after he mentioned that it wasn’t anything that made him stop.

The next day he watches Sam leave for college and is feeling upset. Going home he receives more flashbacks of his repressed memories of Aunt Helen who used to abuse him as a young boy and ends up calling Cadence saying it was his fault she’s dead. Getting the police to the house so that Charlie couldn’t harm himself, before he could they got to him and he blacked out.

We then see him in a hospital confused as to why he’s there. The Doctor tells his parents of the damage that his Aunt did and that the reasons for his breakdowns were because of repressed memories. On being discharged Sam and Patrick meet with Charlie and go to a restaurant. On leaving Sam says she found out the name of the song that was playing when they first went through the tunnel together. Charlie gets in the back of the truck this time and screams on his way out of the tunnel.

I adored this film and like I said at the start I was hooked from the moment I turned it on to the moment the credits rolled. I’m glad it was a long film as I don’t think I would’ve been satisfied with it only being an hour long. The plot had plenty of room to develop and it did develop in an even pace which was perfect for this genre. There were no moments that I felt it was rushed – I got everything I wanted from the storyline.

I really liked Charlie’s character and loved the way he was portrayed as shy and nervous, it brought real depth to the film and the character. It also was lovely to see him grow more confident throughout the film. It was his story and it was well documented – I want to read the book now.

The whole crew was fantastic, it was especially nice to see not all well recognised cast members as it allowed there to be interest in how the character shall be played. I have to say it’s now one of my favourite films and shall enjoy watching once again someday!

I have given it a 5/5 because I felt it was very mysterious and gripping film, it was very interesting all round, there was never a moment where I felt like I was loosing interest or wondering what was going on – fabulous film!

Hope Springs: A Film Review by Imogene

Hope Springs

Directed: David Frankel

Starring: Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Carrell, Jean Smart, Mimi Rogers

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Stars: 4.7/5

I really wanted to see this film as soon as it appeared in cinema but I never ended up going –  this happens too much! But I was awfully excited when it came through my letterbox. I couldn’t wait to see it, especially as Meryl Streep is in the cast, and after reading that it’s very good, I wanted to form my own opinion.

The film starts by showing us the lives of a middle age couple. They love and care for one another, but have forgotten how to show these feelings to each other. Sleeping in separate beds and living virtually individual lives, it shows that they barely speak, let alone show any affection, or share any intimacy together.

Kay (Meryl Streep) decides one day that she’s had enough of living in that way and goes to find some help to bring back the spark. She arrives at a bookstore and finds a book that she finds  has some helpful tips, it’s written by Dr. Feld (Steve Carrell). Kay tells Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) that she’s done with the past and wants them both to attend marriage counselling to get their marriage back to where it should be.

At first Arnold is reluctant to go as he doesn’t see why they need to go; as far as he sees it they’ve been perfectly fine for the last 31 years. Kay books a week intensive course for them to attend with Dr. Feld in a remote town in Maine, Great Hope Springs. Arnold isn’t best pleased as he has no mobile reception, and simply finds faults in everything that’s surrounding them. Kay tries to stay upbeat and positive, trying to encourage him to see things for what they really are.

They attend daily sessions at the centre with Dr. Feld, where he would try and get them to talk about how they felt, their sexual experiences and ultimately show them why they fell in love with each other. The sessions are extremely intense as Arnold finds it hard to talk to Kay and Dr. Feld about their intimate details. He is very defensive about his life and their relationship together.

(The Counselling Sessions)

Dr. Feld asked and put up very blunt questions so that they couldn’t deny or talk their way out of answering them and this angered Arnold as he didn’t understand why she felt the need to bring him to such sessions. Kay feels very upset and heartbroken at the lack of Arnolds willingness to change anything and goes running off, feeling as if everything is over for good. She goes to a pub and starts talking to the barmaid, who shows her that she’s not the only person not to be having sex with their partner. Arnold goes to a museum alone, instead.

Getting back together in their motel room they both try and be closer together as Dr Feld gave them a task of holding one another. They spend the night in the same bed, the first time in years and as Kay wakes from her sleep she finds Arnold has his arm around her. They tell Dr Feld of this amazing breakthrough and both feeling more encouraged that things are getting better; Dr Feld urges that they try bigger gestures.

Feeling confident that things are only going to get better both Arnold and Kay try and do more spontaneous things together to make attempts of being able to get intimate. Many of them fail and they don’t get very far on their mission. Dr. Feld tries telling Arnold of how hurt Kay is and that if he doesn’t wish to loose her forever he best take some initiative and arrange something pretty special to get things on the right track. He books a meal at a grand hotel and Kay is very impressed, they talk and laugh together throughout the meal, something that they’ve been wishing on for a long time! Attempting again to try and make love, it ends horribly and are both left leaving upset and confused.

(The meal at the Hotel)

After ending their sessions with Dr. Feld he says that they should continue their counselling back at home. Getting back home, their usual habits of living separately start again. Kay realises that there’s no change and gets ready to pack her bag so that she can cat-sit her friends’ cat, whilst she gets ready to move on permanently.

Both Arnold and Kay lay awake and are restless on that night. Arnold makes the move as he gets out of bed, gets his dressing gown on and sits with Kay on her bed. They both fall into each others arms and make sweet, passionate love to one another. The next morning its clear that everything is much different and that they’re naturally happy to be in one another’s company.

As the credits roll we see a homemade video of Kay and Arnold having an intimate ceremony with their children and grandchild and Dr. Feld is present. They exchange all the things that they promise they will do from now on.

(Back home after things are better) 

I really enjoyed this film so much. I was also pleased that it was as good as the trailer looked. I had perhaps expected there to be more humorous parts, (probably because Steve Carrell was in it?) but despite that it was rather well done. Watching this film there were many cringe parts where you sighed in desperation, because it was so obvious they wanted one another badly. The one thing that stood out for me was that it wasn’t the typical plot of a film of this genre. There was so much hope and disaster that at times you didn’t know what would be best for the characters. Many people who watched this film will see some part of their relationship in Arnolds and Kays. It was a film that we all learnt a couple of tips to bring to our own and it showed that it’s hard work to stay together in a marriage. But it showed that as long as it’s what the couple wants, it’s workable and that things can work, there’s a sign of hope no matter what stage of the relationship.

I’ve never seen Tommy Lee Jones play a part like this before, to be honest I’ve only really known him in the Men and Black films but I loved how stubborn his character Arnold was. I loved how he was so blind to the faults of what’s happened, but it’s only because he hid behind his wall of not wanting to accept things weren’t the same. But he pulled through and went a step further in trying to make things right. The whole film as a whole was thoughtful, and provided some smiles and ‘aww’s throughout. A mature look at an everyday issue.

I gave this film a 4.7 because I really loved watching the film and the way it was filmed showed that there is many up and downs – but it gave hope and was very well done in all ways. There wasn’t many faults apart from I had hoped there would be more funny sections.

New beginnings: By Eleanor

 Hey guys,
  We've been so busy the last few months, don't know where the time has gone. Today I've been racking my brains to think of something to post for our loyal readers (and some new visitors we hope!) and not coming up with much.

 You'll be delighted to know that I've written an article for Deaf Unity - check them out here:

 http://deafunity.org/

 They are hoping to become a vital network for deaf people to connect and share their stories. I was lucky enough to get mine published on there and I'll copy and paste it here for you guys to read too:

 My name is Eleanor Craik; I’m 23 and am heading back to university in September to do my PGCE in primary. This time next year I will be a teacher (at least that’s the plan!). My interests include learning BSL, playing LOTRO (Lord of the Rings Online), watching subtitled films and trying to keep fit.
I was born in 1989 and passed the initial hearing tests. When my brother was born, he failed his hearing test and when having to go back for further tests my mum requested they re-test me. My brother passed but I failed. Since then my hearing has dropped twice making it a progressive loss.
I attended mainstream primary school and although it was feared I may have to be held back a year as I hadn’t had as long to learn to talk as most others, I quickly caught up and became one of the more able pupils according to my teachers. I remember being confused in Reception class because I’d seemingly be getting on with work, writing words out phonically and showing it to the teacher. The teacher would then ask the teaching assistant to take me out to make cakes for the school. No-one else ever seemed to do this and although I enjoyed it and I really liked the teaching assistant, I always thought I’d done something wrong, that my work wasn’t good enough. Years on and I still don’t understand why but I realise it must have been difficult for them to know how to deal with me as they’d never experienced a deaf child and it was a steep learning curve for all involved.

High School and beyond

At high school I remember more vividly the problems I had relating to my hearing loss. Although I had a great group of friends (we called ourselves the ‘rejects’, all the people that never seemed to hang out with anyone hung out with us) it never shielded me from problems.
I remember one particular teacher who thought I was unable to speak and often asked my friend to read out anything I’d written. This was rather amusing but frustrating, but worse so for my friend. One day I came in to find them playing some sort of character role playing game but I was told to sit in the corner as I wouldn’t be able to follow it. Yes, I agree that it would have been difficult, there was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing but the teacher never explained the game, or even attempted to allow me to join in.
It was difficult for me to learn German, follow maths or science – the teachers were surprisingly understanding (mostly) but my concentration and focus was not so good. It was hard work, lipreading the teachers all the time and often I relied on my friends. One day, my tutor asked me if I thought I was making it harder on them: it seemed my friends had been telling her that it was difficult. I felt extremely upset, I didn’t think I asked much of them, no more than most friends would. It made me retreat, withdraw and hide. I lost my confidence (although I didn’t have much in the first place).
During high school I had a Teacher of the Deaf who supported me. She came to visit once or twice a week and asked if I had any issues with classes, if my hearing aids were working ok, if I needed extra help with things. She was brilliant at trying to help me with maths and science but with my raging teenage hormones and low self-esteem, I know that at times I made it very difficult to help me.
I went to college straight after high school to do a diploma and stayed there to do my degree. It was a very long 5 years and I still had a fair share of communication breakdowns. I remember one boy on the course; he asked me if I was really deaf. I showed him my hearing aids and he laughed, he said he thought I was just pretending to get out of doing things. He wasn’t particularly nice anyway but it astounded me the thoughts that people could think. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learnt for myself that nobody is born deaf aware, it tends to be people who know someone deaf that are more understanding.
The problem with my education was that I felt I didn’t need help, when I probably could have done with it. I believed that I was able to do everything myself to the point of alienating myself, spending hours after school/college researching things that had been talked about. My teacher of the deaf wasn’t there when I went to college and at times I missed her support. Towards the end of my degree I became more independent, more assertive.

Deaf Awareness

At one of my workplaces just a few days ago I was put in a training room, big room, very echoey, air con blasting away. The learners were all put on round tables scattered about the room in different directions. Within minutes of starting I realised there wasn’t a hope in hell of hearing anything, I couldn’t even localise sounds. I asked the group if everyone could move because I simply couldn’t hear. Everyone moved into a semi-circle shape and although I still struggled I could pick up where sound was coming from and hopefully get there in time to lipread (but obviously, some people still not being interpretable, moustaches and mumblers I’m looking at you).
Deaf awareness doesn’t happen all the time. I’ve been so frustrated this past week at the number of video clips I’ve had to watch for training and none of them having subtitles. One of the sessions talked about dignity and the principles of dignity. One of the principles was about how you would shape the care of a person. They talked about it passionately but yet they didn’t consider the care that I needed, even after the fact I’ve been there for two years now and I highlighted this all in the previous training.
The amount of people I’ve had to explain that it’s not about volume, its interpretation I struggle with. But it’s also meant that I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve had and have the best friends anyone could hope for and all the love and support from my family that I could possibly want. Learning BSL has opened my eyes to the deaf community and shown me what life can be like with equal access. I believe that if I have children I will teach them BSL as well as English, this will enhance my understanding of them and will enlighten their understanding of deaf awareness – something that can only be taught.
For me now, I am heading back to university to study for my PGCE. I’m very scared because for the first time ever I won’t know anyone, the university, the lecturers, etc: but I’m relishing the challenge. I’ve actually requested funds from the DSA to enable me equal access, and although I wasn’t too keen on it to begin with (been recommended a Radio Aid which I absolutely hated using at school), I am definitely more open to it than when I was a teenager. I’ve heard about so much new equipment coming out; from live subtitles, google glasses and new treatments for hearing losses – I believe the world isn’t finished with me yet; the fun has only just begun. I just hope for more subtitled cinema films whilst we’re all waiting!

 (For the linkage: http://deafunity.org/article-interview/eleanor-craik-education-experience/)

 I'd like to dedicate this post in loving memory of my dad. I know he never got to hear me banging on about this blog (he's not a fan of facebook or general internet type things) but I know he would have loved to read this. I miss you so much, always in my heart. RIP dad.

Frustration of the Day: Lack of Subtitles

Its been a long time since I've posted anything, so I wanted to share my latest deaf frustration! No subtitles working! When you've turned the telly on and get settled, desperate to hear what's happening and then this appeared...

I always feel like it ruins the moment, especially as at this particular moment something sad and genuine was happening - I needed them more than ever. Sometimes its like having a relationship with your subtitles.. and well subs, you let me down this time!

I wanted the world to swallow me up! by Imogene

On Saturdays I usually go food shopping with my parents, and whilst it's not the most entertaining of chores to do - it does get you out the house for a while!
Now I normally feel very confident in myself especially when it comes to my hearing; I know this does sound  odd for a Deaf person to state this. But I've always grown up in a very busy household, having 2 brothers and 2 sisters; it's quite safe to say there was never any lack of noise, squabbles and conversations. I loved my house and being in that environment! I also was always very close to my siblings growing up, so i'm sure this helped loads. I think growing up like that did help me overcome my issues with being Deaf as I learnt to laugh about any misunderstandings during any communications with any family members, also this is where I learnt my lip reading (It was a skill you needed). I was never given any special measures as a child, it was never a 'slow down and make Immy understand you' situation, and whilst many may read that and think 'Oh poor you' it never was like that, I went with it, if I missed something, I missed it, unless I chirped up and asked again, or I looked utterly confused and my parents would help me. It made me confident to be able to speak up and ask for help with anything that I needed, because simply there was too many of us to have one-to-one. Of course we did have some of them moments where mum would go through vocabulary and dad would help me get my point across through typing and explaining things in simpler terms and to be honest helped me very much when it was needed. I also gradually got this skill to be able to talk and have conversations with people through the next room (obviously voicing was quite loud) and where I can have my back to someone whilst doing something else - however to be able to do that it does have to be a voice I'm very comfortable with and is very familiar.
So as you can picture it, I'm with my shopping list going through Morrisons collecting everything on my list and any other useful items I happen to see that's on offer, loading them into my trolley. I tend to block the world out when I'm concentrating, but it's never a problem, no-one really speaks to you when you're shopping, do they?
I get to the tills and load up my shopping on the belt and rush to the front to start packing. As I go every week, there is normally the same people working on the tills. I have someone I recognize and start talking in polite conversation - I'm not the fastest packer, especially when i'm alone with a weeks worth of shopping, but I manage to pick up a fast pace. An Elderly couple start unloading their shopping onto the end of the belt whilst mine is coming down, I look up and smile at them whilst packing. I have to pay so I end up getting a little backlogged with a few items, entering my pin whilst trying to pack the final items. The couple had finished their bit and were then waiting for me to pull away until the woman mutters something completely incoherent to me and it stuns me, because normally I can pick a word up, but I didn't, so I say pardon and try again, nothing. Oops, this is getting a little embarrassing as I can't understand one word. I ask again, now attempting to purely lip-read her, but her lips are too close together so I couldn't attempt that, I then say "Sorry I'm Deaf" and she tries once more, which made the whole situation so awkward as I still didn't get her. I just didn't know what to do with myself as I tried so hard to understand her and failed like 4 times now so I just smile and look so confused (I'm guessing) because the checkout lady raised her voice and said 'Pink Drink' which made people from the surrounding tills look my way - as you would! I explained it was some version of squash my son likes and in a flash picked up the last few items and put them in the trolley.
And I have to say I never have felt so isolated in my whole life as I did in that moment. I think it was the shock that I couldn't actually pick anything up, it was almost like all the confidence I had in myself and my hearing, plummeted down to 0%. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry. Yes, I understand that sounds very dramatic, but I couldn't see a way of trying to laugh this one off.
I also have to confess that I haven't actually told anyone about this, so writing this is the first time I've shared this particular scary experience. Having gone through this experience it does make me appreciate how well I do cope on a day-to-day basis, and that I do sympathise massively with anyone that have this experience on a frequent basis. Normally I would pick something up and somehow would manage to make sense of it in my head or I'd get it by the 3rd time at a very push, but I never want to have that ever again. I quite literally wanted to be invisible at that moment. The only thing that made it worst was as I stepped away was hearing the checkout lady say "Oh don't worry, it wasn't you, she has them things in her ears.."

A Family Wedding: By Eleanor

 So, I was lucky enough to get invited to my beautiful cousin’s (and his bride!) wedding. Set in the middle of June, you’d be expecting lovely weather too. Well you’re not too far off, add a few showers which happened to time themselves when the photos were planned and you’d be right. Luckily the weather cleared up and we *touch wood* got some lovely photos.

 The wedding itself took place at Dragon’s Hall in Norwich, gorgeous building. Just enough place to hold everyone you love, or to quote Sam during his speech ‘It’s so rare these days to have everyone I care about in at one time’.

 Unfortunately, the building and the amount of people didn’t have great prospects for hearing. It is always daunting when I’m put into a room with lots of people I don’t know, and some I do. It’s even worse when the room is full of noise. Family conversations were impossible, and there were plenty of awkward silences as we realised breakdown of communication. I asked my mum if it were just me that struggled to hear, but she said that my uncle Neville had problems with his ears and Sam himself had an ear infection so I wasn’t the only one! She did also say it was difficult in there for, well, hearing people.

 The ceremony itself was exactly as I anticipated, simple and formal, just like Sam and Sophie (the bride) would like. Sophie’s dress was beautiful, not too over the top as I’ve often seen at weddings. It was clear that they love and care about each other very much which was sublime. I’ll admit I didn’t hear much of the two readings that different family members read out, but I’m sure they were just as pretty too. The vows were spoken and the pair were married at last!

 We then went back downstairs for the photos, which consisted of waiting around being offered delightful tasty offerings and champagne. My brother told me that there was a rainbow outside so I said ‘no’ and signed rainbow to him. I then started to sign ‘I can see a rainbow’ and asking what the next line was. This then resulted in my brother asking people, my nan asking people. Nan insisted that there was a line with colours in and asked me how I’d sign that. I explained I’d sign all the different colours and showed her a few, red, pink, blue etc. She seemed really excited about it all and encouraged my cousin Jack’s girlfriend Kristina to join in. Later, during the meal, Jack asked us if we wanted to read his lesson plan, which he had converted into his best man speech with his actual speech on the back of it. I started to read the back until my brother took it off me and told me to wait. I said I probably wouldn’t hear it anyway so I’d like to read it. My mum suggested Jack could sign it to me, but I am the only family member who actually knows any sign. Kristina piped in and signed pink and blue as I had shown her earlier. Everyone looked impressed. It was a sweet gesture, but sometimes it really disheartens me that no-one in my family know sign. It would really benefit me, I know I’m not fluent but even to just have Sign Supported English (SSE) or clear lip patterns would ensure I’m always included.

After the amazing buffet styled meal and the oh-so-good desert it was time to move onto the speeches. Unfortuntely I couldn’t really tell you what they were about. The first one, was done by Sophie’s dad (he seemed a lovely bloke). I only got bits and pieces, something about Sophie going to Africa and then something about Sam. It seemed very warming and everyone seemed to like it. The second speech was by Sam, which was lovely, I understood most of it. It was about meeting Sophie and thanking his family and then everyone else that had come to the big day. Then it was the turn of the best men (both his brothers). Jack did a lovely speech about how Sam was his best friend and the things they did growing up. He wished love and happiness for the young couple. Then it was Leon who I didn’t really understand. I asked if I could read the draft speech paper that he’d been reading off. When I read it, it was beautiful, a clear big brother role with embarrassing stories, including a brown log shaped toy that appeared in one of the baths they used to share.

After the speech I was lucky enough to have my boyfriend join me for the evening party when the band came on and the free bar got flowing. I find it strange when bands play, I don’t quite know what to do with myself. I can never seem to really dance unless I’m holding someone’s hand, and usually with rather a lot of alcohol in my system. To me, it just sounds like noise. I can’t hear the words, or the different instruments and I have no idea how to move my body to appropriate sounds. Everyone else on the other hand let themselves lose and had a good boogie! As my boyfriend says ‘I like a good dance, it’s good for the soul!’ It was lovely to see everyone dancing and enjoying themselves. Often, I find it more fun to watch than actually attempt to dance myself!

 During the night, I found moments where I realised I’d lost that connection I’d had with my cousins years ago. Back in the days when I’d stay over at my nans with my cousin and we’d giggle about sharing a big double bed together and planned menus to draw up for when the whole family came round. It made me think of times the whole family would be together and we’d play Trivia Pursuit or card games. I vaguely remember bingo making an appearance too. I know that life consists of paths and the further we follow a path, the harder it is to come back and remember those that helped you get there. It’s difficult to find the time to keep friendships going, and being aware of your common interests to help those conversations flowing.

 On the bright side, I was really happy that I managed to talk to my uncle Neville during the night. We talked about lots of different things including photography, sign language (where he proceeded to sign the whole alphabet) and he said he’d read my blog which was really sweet. He could understand where I was coming from with listening to bands, and it was just really nice to still have that connection with that side of my family. Thank you Neville, you really made my nightJ.
 I also got to play life sized Jenga against my brother, I lost the first game but it was totally worth it as he happened to be standing where it was falling. I don’t know if he was more worried about himself or his drink in his hand! And, to make it better, I won the second game.

 Thank you Sam and Sophie for inviting me to be a part of your big day, after all that waiting and preparation it finally arrived and it was sublime. I send you lots of love and good health wishes on your newly married life together. Perhaps it won’t be too long before I get some more cousins!

 Also, on a side-note, just incase my brother reads this; it was a lovely ‘joint’ 21^st bash for you. My little bruv is growing up!

Bridesmaids: A Review by Imogene

Bridesmaids

Directed: Paul Feig

Starring: Kirsten Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Chris O’Dowd, Rose Byrne, Terry Crews, Matt Lucas, Rebel Wilson, Ellie Kemper, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Jill Clayburgh, Melissa McCarthy

Genre: Comedy, Romance

Stars: 4.8/5

I have to say that I have been looking forward to seeing this film as soon as I saw the teaser trailer! I can’t explain why I never went to the cinema and saw it, but I never quite got there.

I firstly notice that the film cast are not all very well known actors/actresses (apart from Matt Lucas and Rebel Wilson) and despite that, the film didn’t disappoint at all!

The film is about a single lady in her 30’s named Annie (Kirsten Wiig) who is feeling sorry for herself as she’s lost her own bakery business, using all of her life savings to start it up, having no boyfriend (apart from Ted whom she has no-strings-attached sex with, and is always hoping for something more with!) and is sharing a flat with two people who don’t respect her personal space (Matt Lucas and Rebel Wilson). The only thing she sees worthwhile is her friendship with her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph).

Annie and Lillian have a very close friendship where they share everything and meet up constantly. Lillian one day tells Annie that she is engaged to her wealthy boyfriend, and naturally Annie was to be her Maid of Honour.

(Showing Annie her Engagement Ring)

I like this start of the film as we all have friends where we can relate to this friendship. It has a very sex and the city feel to it at this stage as it’s very girly with lots of giggling, but it does lay the scene of friendship very well here.. and we all know it’ll go wrong, but how?

At the engagement party Annie meets all the other bridesmaids, Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey), Becca (Ellie Kemper), Megan (Melissa McCarthy) and Helen Harris III (Rose Byrne). Annie takes an instant dislike to Helen at the engagement party and they both become jealous of each others relationship with Lillian and there starts the competition for her affections.

There is such a funny scene where both Annie and Helen have a stand off for displaying their thoughts and feelings towards Lillian. They take it in turns and whilst it’s pretty hilarious for us viewers it does become increasingly awkward for the engagement party guests. Also another scene is where Annie is driving home from the engagement party as is impersonating Helen. I simply couldn’t stop laughing – simply as it’s something all us girls think and probably do!

(Annie's and Helen's standoff)

Knowing that both Annie and Helen have taken a dislike, Lillian try and encourage them to spend time together, but it doesn’t go too well as they both go into competition once again and purposefully try and hit one another with their tennis balls.

A while later Annie takes the Bridesmaids out for a meal to a Brazilian Restaurant for something to eat and to have time to bond together before the wedding. Whilst Lillian has gone to the toilet, Annie suggests a Paris theme for the bridal shower expressing how much Lillian wants to go there. All the other Bridesmaids are enthusiastic over the idea, but Helen shoots it down by suggesting, obviously a much better idea. After the meal Annie tries taking the girls to a top Boutique to choose the bridesmaids outfits, only to realise that she hasn’t made a appointment, but Helen cuts across and uses her powerful name to grant them access. Annie does not take this well. Whilst they are trying dresses on, one by one all the Bridesmaids start feeling sick and get a dodgy stomach (get food poisoning), which results in a very dramatic scene where they panic and are sick over one another in the restroom. Whilst this is happening Helen orders the dresses she likes best.

At this point through the film you start to see Lillian and Annie start slowly parting away which is sad as they’re childhood best friends. It’s sad to think that a close relationship can so easily become loose, and this is where we all start feeling for Annie as we see Helen stepping into her shoes by pushing Annie out of the picture. She starts acting like the Maid of Honour and Annie is very upset by this. However the restroom scenes were very funny and exaggerated! It got plenty of groans and ‘ugh’ but it was very amusing.. It was just disappointing that Helen didn’t fall ill though!

Worried about her finances, Annie suggests having the Bachelors’ Party at Lillian’s parent’s beach house (simply to save money). Helen once again, suggests this is a stupid idea and books them all off to Las Vegas instead. Annie refused to be bought so turned down Helens advances to buy her a First Class ticket, so stuck in coach feeling ill and scared of flying alone. Helen gives her sedatives and alcohol in the hope of calming her fears, but does the exact opposite. They make Annie paranoid, worried and completely erratic. She has many outbursts whilst on the plane which made the staff stop off in Wyoming, which results on the Bachelorettes’ party being cancelled.  Lillian suggests on the way back for Helen to take over the title of Maid of Honour as she’s worried for Annie’s wellbeing and says that she doesn’t seem up to the job.

 (Annies outbursts on the plane)

We see Annie start falling apart in these scenes, purely by Helens sabotage. Annie doesn’t feel good enough anymore and sees that she’s loosing the one person she needs. It’s very emotional as we all have some kind of experience of a close relationship that starts falling apart and no matter what we do we can’t save it. I personally felt a lot for Annie in this section of the film, as she’s trying her best but Helen seems to be so perfect that whatever she does will fall into the shadow.

Unlucky in love Annie continuingly hopes for a proper relationship with Ted, however telling him she’s happy to keep it casual. She begins flirting with Nathan Rhodes who is a nice, friendly traffic cop. He lets her off a ticket for having her taillights broken and she promises that she’ll get them fixed ASAP.  Nathan is a breath of fresh air as he actively encourages everything about Annie, including her tattered dream of a bakery. He tries to get her to reopen and try again, but she refuses as it hurt her too much the first time after it closed and doesn't want to even attempt going through that pain again. Annie opens up to Nathan and there seems to be a lot of chemistry going.

They both spend the night together and the next morning, he buys coffee and ingredients for her to bake and to also cook breakfast with. Annie is immediately offended of his suggestion and snaps at him saying that the night before was a mistake and leaves slamming his front door.

(Annie and Nathan getting to know one another)

This was such a sad part as they both get on so well and you see her enjoying herself for the first time since Lillian announces she’s engaged. But as it a Romantic Comedy we’ve come back to that all expecting, break up before the make up. Sometimes this clause does get quite tiresome, but in this film it was exciting because as soon as you saw them together for that first time you started rooting for a happily ever after!

After getting back to her apartment she meets both Gil and Brynn up to their usual tricks of making her feel uncomfortable. They call a flat meeting where they all suggests ways in which they can get on better, only for them not to take her seriously, resulting that they tell her they want her to move out. At her lowest, Annie has no support around her and makes the choice to move back in with her Mother.

Annie arrives at Lillians bridal shower, feeling angry that she sees her ideas all around her in the garden and house (the Paris theme). Having no money Annie results in making a handmade memory box for Lillian, which she loves and is happy it was received well. Helen makes an elaborate lie by saying she had no time to get Lillian a present and could only get her a card. Lillian opens the envelope and sees two tickets to Paris for the pair of them to go together and choose her very expensive wedding dress which is made by one of the top designers. Enraged by Helens present Annie once and for all says exactly what she feels out in front of the bridal shower guests. Lillian doesn’t take Annie’s outburst very well and exclaims that she has ruined the shower and tells her to leave and not bother coming to the wedding either. Annie leaves feeling heartbroken.

This film had some really entertaining bits and some shock factors. Annies outburst at the shower was a massive shock factor as whilst I, myself was thinking exactly what she was saying, how many of us would actually say and do that? Most of us would stew ourselves up and vent in another way, but I’m glad Annie did get to say what she wanted, as it did bring light onto how Helen is behaving. It was just sad that Lillian hadn’t realised what was going on, but of course, they never do.

On her way home Annie’s car breakdown and whilst it’s her final straw she finds Officer Rhodes coming to her rescue (or not). Still feeling hurt by the way Annie treated him, he acts very cold and tells her he doesn’t want her to contact him again, and to fix the taillight that she promised to do. Having no-one to call she rings up Ted and asks for him to ride her home. He suggests she does oral sex on him whilst he drives her home; she is disgusted and breaks off their ‘relationship’.

Feeling lonely Annie keeps inside and slobs about being depressed. Megan comes and tell her to sort her life out and stop feeling sorry for herself, it’s only her who can change the things that are wrong in her life – Annie takes notice of Megan and there begins an unsuspecting friendship between them. She bakes Nathan a cake and delivers to his door, over the few days she drives past his house only to see it left on the doorstep and racoons eating it.

The day of Lillians wedding arrives and Annie tells her mother that she isn’t attending as Lillian doesn’t want her there. Helen arrives at the doorstep in a panic saying that she’s lost Lillian and needs her help in finding her. Helen gets tearful and starts apologising for everything she’s done towards Annie and Lillians friendship and begs her to help her make everything right again. Annie decides to help and tries to catch the attention of Nathan in his car as she needs him to trace a phone number for her. As he is still feeling hurt over her past behaviour he reluctantly helps her and find that the phone is traced back to her house.

(As Annie is helping Helen find Lillian)

I loved the scene where Annie and Helen were repeatedly driving past trying to get Nathans attention! It was very funny and showed how much she needed him despite his reluctance. However annoyed he was with her he was always willing to help her when it came down to it.

Annie asks Helen to allow her to go speak to Lillian alone. She finds her hiding in her bed and Lillian tells Annie that she’s worried about her being alone and that Helen has organised everything and how she felt trapped without her friend. After making up and putting Annie back as Maid of Honour, Annie helps Lillian get ready for the wedding.

Annie gets to witness first hand the overdoing of Helens plans as there are fireworks, neon signs and Lillians favourite girl band Wilson Phillips. After the wedding Helen once again apologises for her behaviour throughout the engagement and says she hopes they can be friends in the future. She arranged for Nathan to come pick Annie up in his cop car. They share a kiss and he takes her home saying that he’s still going to charge her for her illegal doings.

It was a great film, I really enjoyed it.  It was lovely to see that Annie and Lillian were able to resolve their problems and overcome it by a mile. I had hoped that the film wouldn’t be ruined by the hype surrounding this film on release but now I do understand when people say it was the funniest film released that year. It was nice to see that even though it wasn’t the worlds most recognised cast that it didn’t ruin the humour or how we related, in fact I think it helped the film stand tall, as sometimes this type of film with the usual well known actors/actresses it can become very samey, but it didn’t, and I was very impressed! I hope to see more of this cast in big roles again soon.

I gave this film a 4.8/5 stars due to format, but storyline was very funny and I recommend to anyone wanting to have a girly night in as it’s a film you can join in with and simply laugh your socks off!