I wanted the world to swallow me up! by Imogene

On Saturdays I usually go food shopping with my parents, and whilst it's not the most entertaining of chores to do - it does get you out the house for a while!
Now I normally feel very confident in myself especially when it comes to my hearing; I know this does sound  odd for a Deaf person to state this. But I've always grown up in a very busy household, having 2 brothers and 2 sisters; it's quite safe to say there was never any lack of noise, squabbles and conversations. I loved my house and being in that environment! I also was always very close to my siblings growing up, so i'm sure this helped loads. I think growing up like that did help me overcome my issues with being Deaf as I learnt to laugh about any misunderstandings during any communications with any family members, also this is where I learnt my lip reading (It was a skill you needed). I was never given any special measures as a child, it was never a 'slow down and make Immy understand you' situation, and whilst many may read that and think 'Oh poor you' it never was like that, I went with it, if I missed something, I missed it, unless I chirped up and asked again, or I looked utterly confused and my parents would help me. It made me confident to be able to speak up and ask for help with anything that I needed, because simply there was too many of us to have one-to-one. Of course we did have some of them moments where mum would go through vocabulary and dad would help me get my point across through typing and explaining things in simpler terms and to be honest helped me very much when it was needed. I also gradually got this skill to be able to talk and have conversations with people through the next room (obviously voicing was quite loud) and where I can have my back to someone whilst doing something else - however to be able to do that it does have to be a voice I'm very comfortable with and is very familiar.
So as you can picture it, I'm with my shopping list going through Morrisons collecting everything on my list and any other useful items I happen to see that's on offer, loading them into my trolley. I tend to block the world out when I'm concentrating, but it's never a problem, no-one really speaks to you when you're shopping, do they?
I get to the tills and load up my shopping on the belt and rush to the front to start packing. As I go every week, there is normally the same people working on the tills. I have someone I recognize and start talking in polite conversation - I'm not the fastest packer, especially when i'm alone with a weeks worth of shopping, but I manage to pick up a fast pace. An Elderly couple start unloading their shopping onto the end of the belt whilst mine is coming down, I look up and smile at them whilst packing. I have to pay so I end up getting a little backlogged with a few items, entering my pin whilst trying to pack the final items. The couple had finished their bit and were then waiting for me to pull away until the woman mutters something completely incoherent to me and it stuns me, because normally I can pick a word up, but I didn't, so I say pardon and try again, nothing. Oops, this is getting a little embarrassing as I can't understand one word. I ask again, now attempting to purely lip-read her, but her lips are too close together so I couldn't attempt that, I then say "Sorry I'm Deaf" and she tries once more, which made the whole situation so awkward as I still didn't get her. I just didn't know what to do with myself as I tried so hard to understand her and failed like 4 times now so I just smile and look so confused (I'm guessing) because the checkout lady raised her voice and said 'Pink Drink' which made people from the surrounding tills look my way - as you would! I explained it was some version of squash my son likes and in a flash picked up the last few items and put them in the trolley.
And I have to say I never have felt so isolated in my whole life as I did in that moment. I think it was the shock that I couldn't actually pick anything up, it was almost like all the confidence I had in myself and my hearing, plummeted down to 0%. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry. Yes, I understand that sounds very dramatic, but I couldn't see a way of trying to laugh this one off.
I also have to confess that I haven't actually told anyone about this, so writing this is the first time I've shared this particular scary experience. Having gone through this experience it does make me appreciate how well I do cope on a day-to-day basis, and that I do sympathise massively with anyone that have this experience on a frequent basis. Normally I would pick something up and somehow would manage to make sense of it in my head or I'd get it by the 3rd time at a very push, but I never want to have that ever again. I quite literally wanted to be invisible at that moment. The only thing that made it worst was as I stepped away was hearing the checkout lady say "Oh don't worry, it wasn't you, she has them things in her ears.."