It's officially the last day of 2017. What a year it has been.
On the 14th November 2016 I went for surgery for a Cochlear Implant. On the 16th February 2017 I was activated and became a Unilateral Cochlear Implant user. It was a really hard few months I have to be honest and it wasn't until 3 months later that speech actually made sense. Everyone has their own journey to take when undergoing Cochlear Implantation, for some it may be instant (this generally tends to be adults who had hearing beforehand), yet for others take months or even years.
One thing I found that really helped me when I was struggling was NOT to look at social media. NOT to google how long it takes to hear again because you will come across success stories that make you feel stupid. You must remember, everyone is individual, our brains are individual and we do not have remote controls to adjust our understanding of sound. That is what it comes down to at the end of the day, your own interpretation of the sound and how your brain makes sense of that. There is no right or wrong, there is only you, your Cochlear Implant and you.
It takes a lot of work. It isn't easy. There aren't any shortcuts either (trust me, I looked). But I can tell you 100% that it is worth it.
In August 2017 I became Bimodal, wearing a hearing aid in the left ear and a speech processor (the external part of the Cochlear Implant) on the right. This was another journey which also required more work. Some have told me it was easy, put it on and go, others have said they hate it and refuse to wear the hearing aid, finding they get by with just one speech processor. I let it all get to me. I wasn't clever enough or fast enough. But does it really matter how fast or slow you are? All that really matters that you reach your final destination. I have to say though, I don't believe there really is a final destination with Cochlear Implants. What exactly are you aiming for? To hear like a hearing person? Then you're looking in the wrong place. However, if you're looking for a chance to access sound and speech then you're in the right zone.
On the 31st December, I am sat here reflecting on the year of my Cochlear Implant. I went for a run this morning and I ran past a gentleman who kept a steady pace throughout. It took me a few kilometers to realise he was keeping up with me. I wondered how I did not know this, surely I would be able to hear his footsteps or his breathing. I concentrated, listening hard and I could hear something. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was, whether it was his breathing, the paper number cards pinned to his t-shirt rustling in the wind or perhaps it was neither, perhaps it was a bird. The point is that 10 months later I'm still learning more everyday. I don't aspire to be a hearing person, that would be silly but I do aspire to hear things that enhance my life. I went to see the Phantom of the Opera a few weeks ago and I could hear the different parts of the music, I could pick out that someone was singing. The first few seconds of the play I could even tell what the actors were saying without having to read the captions because it was a familiar context and situation.
Predictably is half of listening (maybe more, maybe less, I'm not sure on the specific percentage) but this is still something I get caught up on. I hear, or at least I think I hear the main point, some other parts of the sentence, whack them all together, think of an appropriate response and hey presto I sounded really intelligent there. I've got it wrong. I still get it wrong. But hearing people do just the same. Listening all the time is hard work. Even hearing people get tired (shock horror) and I think sometimes deaf people forget that. I know I do. Perhaps that should be a new years resolution for me, to consider hearing people more.
I will end this blog with my top three reasons of why I do not aspire to be a hearing person and I'm sure some of you will agree with me on some of these points...
1. I get to sleep in complete silence. Those poor hearing people that are kept awake by every little noise or snoring...
2. There would be no funny misheard quotes. My brother asked me what I thought he would be best at: tiddly winks, farming or vegetable throwing. I of course immediately responded with vegetable throwing but it turns out he said vegetable growing..
3. Being hearing would mean I would not have met any of the amazing deaf people that I know. Your abilities continue to astound and amaze me everyday. You are all amazing.
Have a wonderful night tonight, enjoy the last day of 2017 and I hope 2018 brings you everything you want. If you are on the route to a Cochlear Implant then hang in there, it'll be worth it. I hope my journey has helped inspire you or at the very least reassured you that you are not alone.
As for me, I'm on the list for a hearing dog and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that my 2018 will be the year of the dog.
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