Getting Ready for Baby #2 by Imogene

I remember when I was first expecting my first son, I was so shocked but also so happy to learn that I was going to be starting a family. It's one of the things I have always wanted and expected that I would have eventually. I have grown up in a big family with 2 brothers and a sister, I also have another half sister. Having such great memories of my childhood and being blessed with amazing relationships with my parents - it's always brought such positive ideas about my own family that i'd have one day.

Naturally I'm quite a laid back person (obviously I have the worry/stress days as well as anyone!) and I found that through-out my first pregnancy I reflected this temperament. I didn't have many worries about whether he could potentially have a disability or anything could go wrong. I think most of that was because of my age, I was only 19 at the time. Also it's probably because I didn't know what to expect being a parent and that the pregnancy didn't become to feel real till I felt my son kick for the first time. It hit me really hard, I was going to actually be a mum. I did have the general little doubts of whether I would be a good mother, know what he needed when he cried, whether i'd cope with the late nights, that I may drop him.. It was really scary, but I was so excited to meet him, despite the doubts. My Husband at the time was in the RAF so I was still at home with my parents but we got married, moved into our own home and even though Chris (husband) was working away most of the time I stayed in our house alone, so most of the time it was just me and Freddie. Through them few months we bonded as he was the other person to talk to through that time - I also went home and saw my family etc but most of the time it was just us. I used to read to him, listen to music and of course nesting ready for his arrival! 

So when he arrived he was already my everything because he's been there a whole 9 months and we only got closer. Now he's nearly 3 and he's still a mummys' boy.

When Freddie got to be a Year Old, both me and my Husband decided we'd like to try for another baby, because we always talked about having a few children and we wanted Freddie to have someone to play and grow up with from an early age. 

Me and my siblings are 2 years apart and I remember the fun and games we used to have from a young age. Being to be able to have other siblings to play with was fantastic, I simply couldn't imagine being an only child.. couldn't imagine how different my life would've been.

It took over a year to finally get pregnant again (the more you seem to want something the more it sometimes seems to get out of reach!) but we did! Currently at 26 weeks and due at the end of April. I'm so excited to meet our other little man, it seems surreal that it's so close. 

It surprised me that during this pregnancy I have thought of all the bigger worries of having a child (the ones you would've suspected me to have first time around!), like him having a disability or a health problem, whether he's happy or not inside me. When I went to the anomaly scan at 20 weeks, I was incredibly nervous and felt sick - I never had this with Freddie but this time it hit me that during pregnancy you don't actually know what's going on inside of you; you know that they're developing into this beautiful human but everything else, you have no knowledge of. People always ask you 'How are you? Are you and bump OK? Is he well?' and when you've not had a scan since 12 weeks, the only thing you can think is 'well yes, i'm good, and I suppose they are too' which is a little scary as a mother to be. So many of my thoughts are a by product of maturing and from being a mother to a energetic lad. I always want the best for Freddie and for 'Archie' and knowing how well Freddie has developed I can only hope and wish that Archie shall be the same. It has also been a bit of a comfort to have regular scans due to being type 1 diabetic where they reassure me that all of his developing is fantastic and everything is really normal. I've been a lot less concerned since the 20 week scan as I know if there was a major issue they would've picked up on it (I have to hope!). It has also been really nice that one of my best friends is pregnant as well, she's a week behind at 25 weeks and it's been lovely to be able to text and meet; talking all things babies and pregnancy. A few times now we've had conversations of 'do you have it where you feel really sick if you bend down?' and it's like 'OMG YES!' - it's nice to know, it's all normal and happens to everyone else too!

This pregnancy has been different compared to my last. Archie has been a lot quieter in his movements compared to Freddie, I have to say that's the biggest difference, but then he probably has a lot to listen to what with Freddie and me talking constantly! I have also had more heartburn and earlier than I did during the last pregnancy. I've also been able to sleep better than last time - I rarely get woken up or feel unsettled - Freddie loved to kick me awake in the early hours!

Shows how different their personalities may be?
I have also been reading a book called 'The Secret Life of the Unborn Child' and it really opened my eyes to how much influence our mind has over the development and general psychology of our little people. It's an amazing book and anyone who is expecting should read it.

As I mentioned earlier that my Freddie is a big mummy's boy that I did wonder how he would behave and react towards having a brother and it's been very positive! I talk to him about when Archie is awake and what he's doing, I show him the scan pictures, I show him all his clothes and everything that we have got him so far. I make him feel included and he seems fairly happy with the idea of saying he's a big brother, kissing and hugging my bump (maybe doing that as it's seen what to do by daddy) and that Archie will be a baby - I guess the real impression will happen once he's born. But how he is generally I feel he'll be fine and that he'll love him (maybe not at being woken up in the middle of the night possibly) but I suppose he's too young to really grasp the whole picture and know what to expect, maybe he will when #3 comes!

Bedtime Fears as a Deaf Mother by Imogene

Hello everyone,
Once again I'll apologise for the lack of posting, been awfully busy with my little family that I haven't managed to get round to sharing a couple of stories that I have been wanting to!

My husband is a Chef at a local hotel and he very often works the worst hours for a family, and whilst it's like that we're lucky he gets 2 days off a week (sometimes only 1 during busy weeks) but,  he actually has a job! 
One day he comes home and announces he's going to have to stay at work the following night as he can't get into work as it's an early start, so he's going to have to stay in one of the hotel rooms. As he's unable to get a lift in as he's covering for someone who's on holiday, and we have no transport (something we're working on) there was little choice in anything else. When he mentioned it I was fine with the idea, I mean he's had nights alone with our son whilst I've been away with the girls, so really it probably was about time I had a night alone in the bed (plus I could spread out, what more could I really ask for?). I did what I do every night of the week, put my son to bed, do the last few house chores and then relax in front of the soaps for the evening. 
It was only when it reached 11pm that I started feeling sad, because I always know he'll be home about now, no matter how many hours he's done in the day. I wanted him to come in the house, talk too loud, (as they have to talk loud in the kitchen over the fans - so he says!) get a drink and then moan about what time he's starting the next day and then we'd go upstairs, check on Freddie and then go to bed, turning the lights off as we go through. But that night, I was alone, going through the routine. The bed was cold (Men have a way of warming the bed for you even if they're in their half and only in the bed 30 seconds before you climb in) and the bedroom seemed too dark. I moved our son's baby monitor to my bedside, in case he woke up it'll wake me more than the usual place of across the room - I never have a problem with the night calls as Freddie rarely wakes and as Chris is such a light sleeper he normally gets up. But tonight it was all me, I take my hearing aids out and it feels weird being in the bed, because everything was odd. Nothing felt right. I felt really nervous to be left in the house on my own overnight.
It seems silly really because we come from a good area and we know one of the neighbours really well, but I felt so unsettled. I know part of it was because Chris wasn't there, but also because I was in complete silence. I was alone, I felt alone in the house, even though Freddie was next door, I was worried and my fears began to ran through my mind. I worried that Freddie would wake up, cry and cry, but I didn't wake up. I worried that if there happens to be a burglar, I would be completely useless as I wouldn't hear them break in. What if they were kidnappers and took Freddie when he was asleep and I never heard them get in the house, nor past our room into ours? What if. That's what kept me up thinking of all the things, that I couldn't hear or do if anything was to happen. I've never realised how vulnerable I am when I have no hearing aids in - anything could literally happen, if I didn't see, feel or hear it, I'm actually no good. I wouldn't be able to be the mother that my son needed in them few minutes, because I couldn't hear him..
So I ended up putting my hearing aids in and laying there all night awake, twitching at every noise. (As weird as it is to have them out, I do enjoy the silence during the night, but having the hearing aids in was strange as I could hear the boiler, the dog bark outside, the few cars that actually go past at 3am, everything.) I actually couldn't sleep - I'm sure I fell asleep eventually but it didn't feel like it. The night seemed to go on forever, I kept looking at the clock. I felt exhausted, but I just couldn't relax. What if. 

My son never woke up at all, and we never got burgled, nor had any kidnappers in the house. Everything was a perfectly normal night apart from the lack of my Zzz's and Husband in the house.
One thing that did make me smile was that Chris text me the next morning saying 'Crap nights sleep :( It's not the same without you. X' Seems we both had a rubbish night, so I've told him he's not allowed to work that shift unless he can get a lift in! I guess we get used to the way in which we live!

Hope Springs: A Film Review by Imogene

Hope Springs

Directed: David Frankel

Starring: Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Carrell, Jean Smart, Mimi Rogers

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Stars: 4.7/5

I really wanted to see this film as soon as it appeared in cinema but I never ended up going –  this happens too much! But I was awfully excited when it came through my letterbox. I couldn’t wait to see it, especially as Meryl Streep is in the cast, and after reading that it’s very good, I wanted to form my own opinion.

The film starts by showing us the lives of a middle age couple. They love and care for one another, but have forgotten how to show these feelings to each other. Sleeping in separate beds and living virtually individual lives, it shows that they barely speak, let alone show any affection, or share any intimacy together.

Kay (Meryl Streep) decides one day that she’s had enough of living in that way and goes to find some help to bring back the spark. She arrives at a bookstore and finds a book that she finds  has some helpful tips, it’s written by Dr. Feld (Steve Carrell). Kay tells Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) that she’s done with the past and wants them both to attend marriage counselling to get their marriage back to where it should be.

At first Arnold is reluctant to go as he doesn’t see why they need to go; as far as he sees it they’ve been perfectly fine for the last 31 years. Kay books a week intensive course for them to attend with Dr. Feld in a remote town in Maine, Great Hope Springs. Arnold isn’t best pleased as he has no mobile reception, and simply finds faults in everything that’s surrounding them. Kay tries to stay upbeat and positive, trying to encourage him to see things for what they really are.

They attend daily sessions at the centre with Dr. Feld, where he would try and get them to talk about how they felt, their sexual experiences and ultimately show them why they fell in love with each other. The sessions are extremely intense as Arnold finds it hard to talk to Kay and Dr. Feld about their intimate details. He is very defensive about his life and their relationship together.

(The Counselling Sessions)

Dr. Feld asked and put up very blunt questions so that they couldn’t deny or talk their way out of answering them and this angered Arnold as he didn’t understand why she felt the need to bring him to such sessions. Kay feels very upset and heartbroken at the lack of Arnolds willingness to change anything and goes running off, feeling as if everything is over for good. She goes to a pub and starts talking to the barmaid, who shows her that she’s not the only person not to be having sex with their partner. Arnold goes to a museum alone, instead.

Getting back together in their motel room they both try and be closer together as Dr Feld gave them a task of holding one another. They spend the night in the same bed, the first time in years and as Kay wakes from her sleep she finds Arnold has his arm around her. They tell Dr Feld of this amazing breakthrough and both feeling more encouraged that things are getting better; Dr Feld urges that they try bigger gestures.

Feeling confident that things are only going to get better both Arnold and Kay try and do more spontaneous things together to make attempts of being able to get intimate. Many of them fail and they don’t get very far on their mission. Dr. Feld tries telling Arnold of how hurt Kay is and that if he doesn’t wish to loose her forever he best take some initiative and arrange something pretty special to get things on the right track. He books a meal at a grand hotel and Kay is very impressed, they talk and laugh together throughout the meal, something that they’ve been wishing on for a long time! Attempting again to try and make love, it ends horribly and are both left leaving upset and confused.

(The meal at the Hotel)

After ending their sessions with Dr. Feld he says that they should continue their counselling back at home. Getting back home, their usual habits of living separately start again. Kay realises that there’s no change and gets ready to pack her bag so that she can cat-sit her friends’ cat, whilst she gets ready to move on permanently.

Both Arnold and Kay lay awake and are restless on that night. Arnold makes the move as he gets out of bed, gets his dressing gown on and sits with Kay on her bed. They both fall into each others arms and make sweet, passionate love to one another. The next morning its clear that everything is much different and that they’re naturally happy to be in one another’s company.

As the credits roll we see a homemade video of Kay and Arnold having an intimate ceremony with their children and grandchild and Dr. Feld is present. They exchange all the things that they promise they will do from now on.

(Back home after things are better) 

I really enjoyed this film so much. I was also pleased that it was as good as the trailer looked. I had perhaps expected there to be more humorous parts, (probably because Steve Carrell was in it?) but despite that it was rather well done. Watching this film there were many cringe parts where you sighed in desperation, because it was so obvious they wanted one another badly. The one thing that stood out for me was that it wasn’t the typical plot of a film of this genre. There was so much hope and disaster that at times you didn’t know what would be best for the characters. Many people who watched this film will see some part of their relationship in Arnolds and Kays. It was a film that we all learnt a couple of tips to bring to our own and it showed that it’s hard work to stay together in a marriage. But it showed that as long as it’s what the couple wants, it’s workable and that things can work, there’s a sign of hope no matter what stage of the relationship.

I’ve never seen Tommy Lee Jones play a part like this before, to be honest I’ve only really known him in the Men and Black films but I loved how stubborn his character Arnold was. I loved how he was so blind to the faults of what’s happened, but it’s only because he hid behind his wall of not wanting to accept things weren’t the same. But he pulled through and went a step further in trying to make things right. The whole film as a whole was thoughtful, and provided some smiles and ‘aww’s throughout. A mature look at an everyday issue.

I gave this film a 4.7 because I really loved watching the film and the way it was filmed showed that there is many up and downs – but it gave hope and was very well done in all ways. There wasn’t many faults apart from I had hoped there would be more funny sections.

He's fun, he's chatty and such a little handful! By Imogene.

From other articles I've written on this page you may now be aware that I have a 2yr old son, named Freddie. Being part of a 2yr olds life is interesting, fun and hard work but totally rewarding in every way! Freddie’s always been a talkative baby and that hasn't stopped during his development. His favourite sentence at the moment is “Mummy, what you doing?” and I take great pleasure in telling him exactly what I’m doing and letting him be a part of it – even if I didn't want to, he’s incredibly nosey so he would find out one way or another! But it can also get incredibly annoying after the 1000000th time.

In my last article about my time with my little man I was talking about how he’s increasing becoming more aware towards my deafness. He still is and now when he wakes up he shouts “Mummy!” really loud in my ear and well, it wakes me up. He sits on the bed talking at 100 mph, telling me everything he knows. (Yes, he really is that cute!) Eventually once I've stirred and have woken, I say “Slow down Freddie, I can’t hear you” and he jumps off the bed and gets my hearing aids and hands them to me. However cute it sounds, it does make me realise how aware he is of my deafness.

In our house, he has learnt that if he wants my attention, he is to either to come to my face and say what he wants (normally with pointing to it too!) and/or pull at my trousers/arm. Because I’m terrible if I’m busy and doing something that my hearing just fades out (I don’t know if any other people have this?) and I rarely hear what is being said. My husband is very supportive of this and does tell him to come to me rather than stand in the other room shouting my name! (I think a lot of this will get better with his age, and if we have any other children, he will probably teach them too.) We also have subtitles on the television all the time, even the children’s programmes, simply because it helps me for when I finally get to sit down or get dragged to come and watch a specific programme. So I can help interact about what the characters are doing and ask him questions!

I’m also finding that the older he gets the more he looks at my face whilst teaching him a new word, like the other day I was telling him how to say “Elephant” as he has a toy Elephant, he kept saying “Eleant” and I mouthed it and he kept saying it, but yesterday he said it properly – They always used to say that for a Deaf child you have to tell them the word 100 times before they knew how to say it properly. And I said it about 15 times to Freddie and he was saying it perfectly – so it also makes me think about how much my Mum must’ve interacted with me and spoke to me, saying the long words and getting pronunciation right! Bless her; she’s still helping me now with some things!

It's becoming quite a comedy in our Household most days, as only the other day the phone was ringing (I didn't hear it what with the lounge door shut) but Freddie did, and he kept coming to me and back to the door and because he can't say the words 'the phone is ringing' he was chatting madly and I just couldn't understand what he was saying, then it clicked the phone might be ringing and I pretty much went to run for it, and Fred ran with me going "run, run run!" - safe to say when we picked it up we couldn't stop laughing!

Is anybody else having the same experience at the moment with their little one or ones? Do you have a way of telling your child how to get your attention? I’d love to hear anyone’s experience or what they've heard are great tactics!